Busy days

Some days I just can't believe how much there is to do in a day. Or maybe I am just experiencing a low energy week this week. I know that everyone has them. Sometimes when the weather is not quite what we want or in this case, expect, maybe it drains us of something. By this time in the year, I am usually just wearing a t-shirt and jeans to do the morning walk. But I am still wearing a jacket this year. OK not a heavy jacket, but it is weighing me down. The other thing that is really weighing me down is ♠I have to admit that I seem to have lost my focus on weight loss. I have been at a standstill for a couple of weeks, and it is so disappointing. It's not that I have been really attending to portions like I should. So I have only myself to blame. I am eating the "right food", prepared right, but I am just not attending to the right amounts. Is it only that I am tired of weighing and measuring? Or is it the prospect of always having to weigh and measure? Is it laziness, or is it something else. It's too early in the game to lose focus. I have run into alot of my cohorts in the program at the gym, and I am so proud of all of them. I need to shake myself out of this lethargy and get back on course. I like going to the gym, and it really energizes me, so I should really want to do it, and today I was planning to go, but by the time I finished all the undone chores from the week, I was beat.
I can't wait for tomorrow's Group Health Strategies session. I am hoping to get back some focus and soak up some of the energy from the group.
Have you noticed my new frog picture? I just love it and am looking for a frame for it for my bathroom so that I can look at it closely every day. Just can't return to those frog days!
The weekend will be a challenge and I am looking to my cohort group to help me with strategies to get through it. It is my aunt's 95th birthday and there will be a party with cake and ice cream and lots of family. It is a recipe for lots of mistakes. I have decided to sit and meditate all morning on how wonderful it will be to be healthier by NOT indulging in things that are unhealthy for me. After the party, I will plan to show up at the gym.
Well, everyone, have a happy weekend, and to my group who I will see in the morning, I am really looking forward to sharing and learning group health strategies. See you tomorrow!
Looking over what I have written, it doesn't even sound like me. I must need more sleep. I promise my next post will be more UP!

Well, Hello and Happy Friday. This has been an eventful week, full of meetings to attend, workouts to accomplish, and the regular stuff of life to fit in around it all. To anyone who reads this and is a Mom, greetings and salutations in advance of Mothers Day. To all of you who manage to do your best by your families, who try to do your best for yourselves, and manage, against all time constraints, to make the world a better place by spreading love, soothing hurt feelings, maintaining yourselves, and trying to be good to your friends and co-workers, you are a fabulous bunch and deserve hugs all around. So I hope you feel my arms encircling you and pulling you close for a moment. You make the world a better place.
Some of you may notice that my picture has changed. Please take a moment to take a good look at it. It was an early Mother's day present. You will note it is a frog in workout duds--athletic shoes, wristbands, and a towel to wipe away the sweat. The perfect accompaniment for this bit of fluff. This frog appears to already be in much better shape than I am in, but I am working my way toward those trim legs. So take a moment to get acquainted with my stand-in, making her image big enough to see in detail. What a find!
Just as I manage to conquer the workout that Laurie assigns me, there are new things to add, new weightier weights to use, new routines and machines to get acquainted with. What makes it easier to adapt is that Laurie, while dispensing grueling workouts, also dispenses smiles and encouragement and tells me that I did well. I really don't want to disappoint her, so I keep doing what I'm doing, and attempt to make her proud. Wishing that she had been around earlier in my life does not make it so, and that was yesterday. I am learning that it is never too late to get into better shape. I used to take the same walk around the park with Lucy every morning, at the same speed and intensity. Since I have been working out, I take the reverse route, just a bit more up strenuous, more uphill, and a bit faster than before. And it is easier and I am less out of breath. The last hill that I used to walk down on the other route, I now walk up at the end of the walk. At first it was a bear, and I stopped halfway up. This morning, I noticed that for the first time, I didn't really notice the incline and I wasn't out of breath. Definitely progress, no? Then later, after I plan the weekend, I will go to the gym, walk another mile and do all the upper body strengthening routines that I still have to do. However, I have been paying so much attention to the workouts, that I have kind of lost my attention to the nutrition part of the game.
So, today, I will start again to record my meals and water. It makes one more mindful. I realized that I have forgotten to take in any liquid during the day except what I drink after my workout. This is not good. Making time for the physical part of the program and attending to them has diverted my attention. Now I have to get back on the nutrition bandwagon. After all, it was Paulette who started this whole thing. I have remained faithful to the promise to stay away from bread for awhile, but I have to admit, that now and then a sweet creeps up and jumps on board. So mindfulness is the name of the game, and writing down what I eat, recording good days and maintenance days, as opposed to binge days, is really important. Breakfast is not a problem and since I don't seem to crave variety at breakfast, the oatmeal with berries and almonds is fine for the long term. Even dinner is OK. It's the rest of the lunch and post lunch day that seems to be more problematic. So I will follow Casi's lead and pack a lunch. It makes the most sense. Last weekend, I got so over-hungry for lunch, that I couln't stop eating all afternoon. But while my weight has remained stable, I am thrilled to report that my body is changing shape. I am fitting into things I have not worn for a couple of years and were languishing at the back of my closet. (The next step is the give-away pile) I am even developing shoulders! So all of you "mature" ladies out there, there are biceps and triceps in there just waiting to be discovered, not to mention abs. All we have to do is look for them. So jump on that treadmill that is functioning as a clothesrack, unearth that Nordic Track, take a walk, get a balance ball, just do something that you didn't do yesterday because you were too stiff. Start light and work up and don't forget to stretch afterward, and be sure to BREATHE. I tend to hold my breath, so I am reminding you.
Again, Happy Mother's Day. Give yourself a pat on the back, or take a walk in the gardens that are all around us, take a hike, make a healthy meal, just treat yourself well. You deserve it!
PS Get a buddy who encourages you and cheers you on. It really helps. Thanks Laurie.

Getting Organized

Today was the day I finally got organized. Already into the game, I was finding, or rather losing, lots of the papers that I have just been stuffing into my original folder that I got on the night of the original award. I was forever looking for stuff, so today I put everything into a divided accordian folder with slots for medical results, nutrition, appointments, charts I should be keeping in a more organized way, fitness, recipes etc. What a relief. I had lost track of my recipes and was wandering through my kitchen searching for them, and finally I got so frustrated, I just sat down at my desk and started excavating to get everything organized and put away, and there were the recipes. Since I have never cooked anything at my desk, I don't know what they were doing there.
Well, I have to report that the good results that I am getting are getting noticeable. My daughter say I walk differently, and while I feel that I have better balance and am walking faster and stronger, I hadn't realized it was noticeable. I have convinced my husband that he needs to exercise, and today he took the first step by calling to find a place near his work where he could get some water therapy. I am just thrilled. Already a force for good is happening. I have noticed that I feel stronger. I have also noticed that taking a day off is not sloth, but a needed regeneration. With the new upper body exercises, my shoulder was hurting, and I was feeling like "am I going to have to be in pain for six months while I get in shape?" But Lorrie had said that the strength training should not be on consecutive days, so a day off in between took care of the pain. Also, I decided to add a two mile walk on Saturday afternoon to my regular morning walk with Lucy my dog, and I wore us both out. So on Saturday night I went to the gym so I couold rearrange my schedule, met Dave there, and we had the whole place to ourselves. Balancing on the BoSu ball was nearly impossible, and walking the treadmill without holding on was also not in the cards. So on Sunday, Lucy and I just had our morning play session, and took the rest of the day off. But guess what. Yesterday when I went to the gym, I could balance for almost the whole 30 seconds! "Look ma, no hands" and I was able to walk the treadmill also no hands at my regular speed. Lorrie had said to back off the speed if I needed to. Wow, was I jazzed by that great leap forward. OK, so it's not such a great leap, but it felt like it. I have to be satisfied that each of us has to go at our own pace. Do you notice a change in your shape? Look for it, it is there.
I woke up this morning thinking that having a group that we are working with, even though we don't see each other, is a really good thing. The group dynamic wants us to help each other, and not to let the others down by not working at the program. I guess that is why groups that make you accountable are so successful, like Weight watchers and Alcoholics anonymous are so successful. We all have our moments, but I have to remember, that if you work the program it works. I think that is a paraphrase from something they say in AA. There are so many people rooting for us, I have to remember to root for myself. How about you? By the way, a lot of the recipes call for lemons and lemon juice, and I have a tree that just gives and gives, so if you need lemons, let me know.

I have to go to the gym now, so I will just say bye for now. Keep up the good work,

A Feast: food plus inspiration

How can I begin to describe last night's dinner. Several words jump to mind like the obvious "delicious, nutritious, well balanced, beautiful to behold" and just plain "yummy". But there was so very much more. This was a dinner attended by most of the cohort of Project Transformation, in addition to those who were teaching and guiding us along the way. We came together at the beginning of the evening as strangers for the most part, and, I think, parted as friends looking forward to working together again, and being glad to know that we would be gathering several more times along the way to our goals. It was terrific to get to know each other a bit better, and to work together in the Wellness Kitchen under the able lead of Paulette, our fearless leader, and of course Wendy the chef. So now we know the wonders of barley in comparison to rice (half the calories and twice the fiber), how to round out the dinner plate by combining some of the things we love and are automatically drawn to for comfort, like pasta, with lots of deliciously prepared veggies and soups and salads, and adding lots of antioxidants with bush tea. The barley risotto was fabulous, and it was really nice to see Dave carefully chopping the veggies, and stirring and attending the risotto until it was done. Casi worked like a demon to make a fabulous soup, and the salad along with the wonderful vinagrette. It's easy to see how she manages a busy and demanding job (with hours that would easily kill me in a week), feed and manage her household of three children plus the combination of her boyfriend's family, pack her cooler with approved things to eat, and still look so good. All that energy! and it's not even illegal. Sophia's crabcakes were divine, and we who "sampled" the broken ones were only sorry that she didn't manage to break more of them. The tortellini with roasted cherry tonatoes and feta was about as comfortable as food gets. Bill's grilled artichokes were just gorgeous, and added an element of high-end gourmet to the plate. Christy's pistachio crusted halibut with Chimichurri sauce was moist and didn't look too hard to make. I think that Wendy was responsible for the Asparagus with sesame chili vinagrette, and I watched her put it on the grill for just a moment for two. Wow! It was still green and crunchy to the bite and just delectable. The recipe calls for roasting them, but the grill added a hint of something different. I prepped the chicken and veggies with a small minimum of fuss and bother. Halving the chicken first, I just separated the skin from the meat along the backbone and inserted the small amount of margarine I had mixed with fresh rosemary and lemon zest, added salt and pepper and baked them on a rack. I am going to try that tonight at home for my family. The veggies were one small potato per person, cut into a two inch dice, baby carrots with their tops, and cut up fennel (the bulb part), salted and peppered with one tablespoon of olive oil added and then tossed and roasted on a flat sheet pan. they have the time to caramelize and the flavor is really fresh and unencumbered by alot of other stuff. Someone, I can't remember who, possibly Cassi or Cristy made a wonderful hummus to have with raw veggies as a crudite. The dessert was simply too elegant to be legal. It was a lemon pudding cake, baked and served with fresh berries and what looked like a raspberry puree, with a sprig of mint. 200 calories we were told, in comparison to the 600 of a restaurant's typical dessert.
The kitchen was full and fun and everyone had a good time. For some of us who do a lot of cooking at home, we are often alone, so this was especially fun. The variety of food and prep, the help with clean-up, and excellent instruction were all valuable. Part of the value was the good time. Then we sat down in the elegant dining room and partook of everything we made. We learned that starting with the hearty soup would get enough veggies on board to curb hunger and encourage satiety. We quizzed each other on how things were prepared, and the enjoyment was apparent. It was too bad that we were missing two of our members. I felt like none of us wanted to leave. Paulette regaled us with the mess that school food services are in and how she is making improvements in some of our local districts. To think that French fries are considered a vegetable on school menus is a shame. Being old enough to remember when the lunch ladies used to cook the lunches, it is sad to think what kids have become accustomed to. A fast food nation we have indeed become, to the detriment of the nation's children especially. It is one thing to be overweight as an adult, but to be unable to run and play hard without gasping for breath, as a child, is a travesty. Paulette, you go girl, as Oprah would say.
It was so good to learn about each other and to be inspired by everyone. It was easy to feel, before last night, that each of us was in this alone. Now, we are a group. Bill is already looking different than when we first began. I feel heartened and good about all of our chances to maximize this experience and give it our best shot. People who didn't cook are cooking, families who didn't eat veggies are trying them out, lives are being changed. But it's like a pebble being thrown into a pond. The outward ripples from the splash will affect more than just us eight people. It will affect the people we live with, our children, our friends, people who take note as we look better and want to get on the bandwagon. My best friend has already joined a gym and gotten a trainer, because, she says, I inspired her. She also tells me that since she has been working out, her legs feel stronger than they have in years. Now her kids are taking note and so it goes. I am nagging my husband to try physical therapy to maximize his capabilities, so there is more life in his years. There was an old shampoo commercial that was something like "I used this shampoo and loved it, then I told two friends and they told two friends and so on and so on and so forth." Each time the screen divided. So our success could be the beginning of a Project Transformation for our whole community. What a concept!
Siobhan came to chat with us and told us about her two weddings. That small thing, encouragement and friendship, sharing and laughing together is the amazing thing about this program. I feel as if our success is important to all the people who we deal with, from the folks in the office, at the front desk, in the gym, to the good Doctor Barr and the staff in the medical facility. I feel cared about. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we could all give the people we deal with in any capacity, the feeling that we care about their success and their well being? You walk away from there feeling rested, even if you are worn out and sweating from a hard workout. You feel as if for now, life has handed you a safety net.
So, before I end for today, I have some thanks to offer. First to the project for picking me to be part of this delightful experiment. Next to all the peole who take such good direct care of us, the nutritionists, the fitness gurus, the staff so full of smiles, and the other people we kind of indirectly interact with: the doormen, the ladies who offer water and take towels and keep things luxurious for us. And finally, and certainly not the least, my fellow transformationists. Some of you are juggling schedules to get this far away from home or work, all are juggling family obligations, and all are making a Herculean effort to make this work. I am filled with admiration for all of you and I look forward to getting to know all of you better over the next five months.

Things I'm learning from CHLI

Wow, what a way to clear my head and think straight. Exercise, who'd have thought it. It makes me wonder why jocks aren't more self-reflective. Perhaps it is because they are fixated on winning and ore not in it for the "high".
It is really interesting to be the focus of attention. I don't think I have ever before had such concentrated attention. There is not only instruction about how to do things that will enhance my well-being, physical as well as psychological, but a key factor for me has also been something I will have to call permission. Heretofore, I have to admit that concentrating on myself has been something I have not done thinking that I was behaving "selffishly." And I don't think that anyone really equates selfishness with something positive. But if we turn that around a bit, and look at it from a different angle, taking good care of oneself can be quite generous It makes me better able to do the things that I do for my family. It makes me a more alert and aware citizen who is better equipped to handle emergencies, and is not a drag on the economy because I need more services. Good health and good cheer is contagious, just as unhappiness and depression are. So isn't it better to pass on the positive rather than the negative?
So I want to list here some of the positives that I have noticed about myself now that I am getting exercise and eating better. First, I am happy to report that I have lost 5 pounds since April 2 when I had my first resting metabolic rate. Not too bad. Also, I have added afternoon exercise to my routine, something I had never thought I could "fit into " my day. That was one of the things that Suzi and I spoke about, that by calendaring time for my needs, I was putting myself on the list. I have spent a lifetime fitting my needs into whatever time was left over, and we all know that there is never any time left over. Those little Kaizen steps really work.
By now, I have met with Sherri, my personal trainer, and have started stretching at home. I really did not realize how tight some of my muscles were and that this was the reason for alot of my stiffness and not just age encroaching. It is good to see that there are remedies, not that the body doesn't age, because it certainly does, and things wear out, but we can keep limber in the face of it. And we don't have to emit that grunt when we get out of the car or up off the couch. It just isn't so much of an effort anymore.
Also, people who have been home for a while, or should I not generalize about that and just say that since I have been working at home rather than going out to an office, I got a bit too comfortable at home, to the point of becomming a bit leery of new experiences. It was becomming too big an effort to try something new, or go someplace unfamiliar. Oh sure, I would say "sure, I'll come" and then as I was getting dressed to go, I would hear myself whining in my head about wanting to stay home, and not have to bother to put my best foot forward, or put my foot into unfamiliar waters. I wonder if it is the fear of being judged and found wanting.
I always tell my daughters to get dressed and made up so that you are so satisfied with your appearence that you can forget about it and focus on the new people you are meeting and the new situation you are being introduced to. Good advice ? It always seemed so, but I know that when you don't feel your best, it's hard to get to that place. Now that I am taking off some of the weight, even a small amount so that my clothes fit more comfortably, it's easier to take that advice from myself. Now that I am more comfortable walking and standing up straight, I feel like I present a more confident person in the world.
Also, I referred a couple of days ago to being more alert. It's probably all that fresh oxygenated blood to the brain thats making me better. It's also a few other things: knowing that I can accomplish great things a small step at a time, even though I have done that sometimes in my life, knowing that it is an actual method of getting things accomplished that is tried and true is comforting.
Another valuable lesson that is a mental shift is from the nutrition part of the program. If we are trying to lose weight and sticking to a 1500 calorie diet for example, eating an extra cookie for example doesn't make us weak and shouldn't muske us feel as if we've "blown it". That too often leads to further blowing it. If we've had an extra, that may make that day a maintenance day, rather than a losing day. It doesn't make it a "bad" day, or me a bad person or a weak person or a loser, it just means that I went over the limit for weight loss, and stepped for a moment into the maintenance area, so if I want to continue to lose, I have to step back. I hope that this makes sense to you, that I have explained it adequately, because it have made a huge difference for me. It has meant that I am not either ON THE PROGRAM or OFF THE PROGRAM, but that I am on the program with a small deviation for today, and tomorrow ( or the next meal or whatever)I will still be on the program-- not that I was off the program, or wagon, and have to fight to get back on. I AM on, and I will be on, and I can step away for a moment, and step right back.

getting to know me

Well folks and frogs, I have been getting reacquainted with my body over the last week. I feel as if we had been estranged from each other for ---well, let's say for a very long time now. I have been walking with Lucy in the morning for several years now, and I actually did it the Kaizen way, by first walking from the place where we played to the trash can to dispose of --well you know. Then when they moved the trash can, I walked a bit further to get there. Then when they took the can away altogether, at first I got in the car and held the bag out the window and drove around the park to another trash can, but after a while I began to think about adding the trashcan to our walk and so on, until I was walking the whole mile course around the park. Some days I would try to walk again in the afternoon, but found it either too hot, or too late by the time I got around it it, so I really didn't do it all that often. Even when I began to go to the nutritionist, I did'nt add much exercise to the mix, just started eating less.
But with the winning of Project Transformation, I made myself an oath to really dive into this with all four feet--remember, frogs have four feet. So I have followed the regimen of going to the gym and doing only cardio walking on the treadmill for that week for 20 minutes and the first day I was really bored. But the next day I had kind of figured out the treadmill and liked it a bit better, and I felt stronger and better, and b y Friday, I was feeling even better. I have to admit I took the weekend off, there was some of that apprehension that I had initially, about walking into something new. I know that there would be a lot more people around on the weekend and I wasn't really ready for that yet.
Yesterday, Monday I began a new week. As I am still learning how to go about this and fitting it into my life, I didn't make provisions for a light lunch, and ended up getting overly hungry and then eating potato chips. But I learned that I have to figure in some food. I am amazed at how good I feel just adding that extra 20 minutes of walking and how strong and energetic I feel. All those endorphins rushing around in my system. I am getting so much done at home too. I am doing things that have been on my "to do " list for ever, except now they are checked off. I am sleeping better and more soundly and I feel great.
Now, here is the kicker and why I wrote today. I also feel more mentally alert. I guess it is all that extra circulation that is bringing more blood to my brain. I have to recommend what I am doing to you. To feel physically stronger and mentally alert. What a combo! Of course there is still a long way to go, and I have yet to meet with my personal trainer. I will be meeting with her every week, and I suppose adding and varying my workout. Today is a pretty gloomy day, but Lucy and I walked, then I came home, cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry, and broke up the boxes that need to go into recycling and have been sitting out on the side of the house for weeks. I will spend some time brushing up on my language lessons that I have let languish, then a light lunch and off to the gym. I can see how this becomes addictive. How can it not when I feel so good. I think that it is the good feelings that are so addictive. I want to talk to the rest of the group and find out if they are feeling the same things. I think that maybe you had to have been estranged from your body for a while to feel this euphoria at reunification.
I wish I could explain more adequately how I feel. I didn't even realize how divorced I was from my physical self. It was like being a crab that changes containers as they grow. As I changed clothing sizes, the real me was left behind and I am finding myself. Not that the sizes have changed yet, it;s only the second week, but I feel as if I am on the road home.

Beginning the Transformation.

Well, the transformation is beginning. As I told you, first I had to get over that "first day of kindergarten" apprehension, and then I just had to get started. So, after Tuesday's adventure, I actually went into the gym and did what the trainer had asked me to do--20 minutes of cardio walking. Having never used a treadmill, I needed some instruction, and the first day was done a bit gingerly, but by yesterday, I was really into it. I not only increased speed, but used the incline as well, and got into my peak rate. First day barely made it into the cardio part of the chart, yesterday, I got through cardio to peak rate. I think that a lot of it has to do with comfort, and taking things a step at a time, the Kaizen way as I have learned. Years ago, when I had lost that first large block of weight, I didn't know that I was doing Kaizen, but I was. First I used to walk to the rubbish can near the car to discard Lucy's stuff, then when they moved the can, I walked over to where they had moved it, and after a few weeks of that being comfortable, I thought, why not bypass this can walk to the further one, and so on until I was walking the whole mile course at the park without even thinking about it. I used to think that the one mile I walked in the morning was all I could manage, but now that I am taking on more exercise, I can see that if I do it gradfually, I realize that I can do that and more.
Now I have to admit that the reward of working out in such delightful surroundings is that luxurious extra benefit that makes it so very appealing. It is wonderful to have all of the amenities right there. There is the cardio theater--the TV that is hooked up to the treadmill and other machines, that makes the time fly by--the iced towels for after the workout and the clean fluffy white towels that are there for comfort and drying off, the ice water, the friendly smiling faces checking to see if you need anything, and the ultra luxurious locker room. It is a pleasure to shower and clean up and be ready to face wherever you have to go afterward, instead of red faced and sweaty.
Today I am scheduled for my first spa treatment, a massage, and I am really looking forward to it. I think that what I am learning here, and possibly the most valuable lesson that I might learn through this is that there is nothing selfish or bad about taking good care of myself. By doing so I will be better able to take care of the other important people in my life. I already feel stronger and more vital. And I've only done two cardio workouts! Think how it will be to really be strong and healthy. I might be unstoppable. It is really a new concept for me that I am deserving in any way, and that I may be served as I try to serve others.
So the Transformation is really beginning. Not only the physical, but the mental as well and in the final analysis, it's all mental, isn't it? It's what makes us say yes to getting up and going to the gym, it's what makes us realize that we really don't need that second helping of food, it's what makes us say no to being over committed when what we really may need is some down-time. It may become (if we are determined and lucky) a realization that that cookie that want is really just a substitute for an extra hour of sleep that we really need, or that ice cream we are craving is the substitute for that hug that we really needed when we were feeling a little down and didn't realize that people really cannot read our minds so we have to ask for one.
I really look forward to getting together with my cohort group to see if they too are making a mental transformation, or if, being probably the eldest among them, I tend to reflect and cogitate more.
Well, I am off to my day. I have not thought about using the gym on the weekends, the the tought as entered my mind. It it Kaizen working? Now that I have done this comfortably, I can add something? I don't know but I like it. So here's to that change. That princess's tiara is out there 6 months away, and I can see it shining. It's like grabbing for the brass ring on a merry-go-round. I never dared take the risk to lean that far out of my comfort zone. But I am leaning out there now. I'll let you know what happens. There is a blessing in my culture, "May you go form strength to strength". I feel as if I am doing that now. Come with me.