It has been so long, not because I haven't thought of all I had to say and share, but because the time has seemed so short. To catch everyone up, Project Transformation has ended as a program for the eight of us lucky winners, but we are all still in the process of being transformed as is every single person, every single day. All of the new things we see and learn and do, all the new people we meet who affect our lives, all of the people we love-- all of our losses, even--combine to transform us each and every day. And isn't that a lucky thing? Because it means that as long as we live and breathe, we have the ability the capacity to transform into something better than we are right at this moment. Every thought that occurs, every grain of truth that we realize, has the power to change us.
We Project transformation winners had an amazing experience, learning to eat well, to treat ourselves to exercise and excellent self-care, to set goals that we had a method and steps for accomplishing, and take it all out into our own world and have it become part of our lives. What a gift! It was winning the lottery.
So this week, just about two months after the end of our sojourn at the Califoria Health and Longevity Institute, when we are prepared to think about all we are thankful for, that six month time out of time that we were treated to will be right up there with my thanks for good health, a wonderful family, and the life of my darling dog Lucy. That education, that period of tender loving care and wicked hard work is one of the many things that I am thankful for this year. I am thankful for the new friendships I have made this year, and for all the old and faithful friendships that I am so fortunate to have. I cherish them new and old alike.
We are approaching the end of the year, and it is time to take stock. Thanksgiving comes at a good time of year, as it is a prelude to turning over the year (in the Gregorian calendar) and thinking about change. What have we done that we might have done differently, what new challenges will we face, and how do we want to face them this time around. I have learned so much in the past two months about myself, and even about the people that I am most familiar with and thought I knew everything about. I was wrong. I will save this revelation for another day, but I would like everyone I know to stop a moment to take a real clensing breath, and think about how lucky we all are, not because of what we have, but because of who we are, and that we are capable of striving to be better.
In the deepest part of my soul, I wish you all a happy Thanksgiving, meaning being happy about being grateful. What could be better?
Showing posts with label Project Transformation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Project Transformation. Show all posts
Monday, November 22, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Finding Calm and Ourselves
Last night I was happily reminded of an old friend that I haven't had the food fortune to see since we left the place of work where we first got to know each other. He was the calmest person I think I have ever known. He is a Buddhist, and after an interesting discussion over lunch one day he brought me a book, the title of which had a huge effect on my thinking then and since then. It is entitled, "When the Student is Ready the Teacher will Appear" and I don't know but I believe that this is a very important tenet of Buddhism. I have been thinking of this in relation to our Project Transformation. I think that one of the reasons that we were chosen for this program is that we appeared to the panel to be ready for this Transformation for which we were asking to be considered. I keep that book in the drawer at my bedside, and just looking at the title sometimes calms me, because it tells me that the things that I might want to happen right now, and am angry and impatient if they don't, are perhaps not ready to happen, or perhaps, even though my conscious mind would disagree, perhaps I am not ready to have them happen. My point is that we were ready, and the contest appeared for us and we were chosen. It has been up to us to take advantage of the teachers and to learn the lessons.
And the reason I bring this up is that yesterday I received in the mail another book, one that I had forgotten I ordered quite some time ago, and it is entitled "Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be" and while it has to do with loss and change, just the title caught me up short. As we travel though life, we experience many different kinds of emotions, events, and places. Each one affects us in a way that changes us or affirms us in some way, even the smallest way that we may not recognize at the time. We have in our minds an idea of who we are, and yet, events and such are changing us all the time. Lately, some people I haven't seen in awhile have been telling me that I look different, but when I look in the mirror, I can't see the change. It tells me that I haven't yet let go of the person I used to be and that I better be pretty careful about how I look at things like food and exercise.
So far the exercise part is getting to be a part of the new me. I crave that hilly walk that I take if I miss a day. I like the way I feel when I am tired out after a workout with "the demon", and I hardly ever think "oh I can't do that, it's too hard" like I did when we went on our hikes that scared the bejezzus out of me.
But ice cream still looks good to me, and cake still sounds good, even though I was thinking the other day that the last several times I indulged in cake, it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. The texture wasn't really satisfying, and the taste just didn't live up to expectations and wasn't worth the calories. So if what I "crave" proves not to be as good as anticipated, and yet it still appeals, is it because I have not yet let go of the person I used to be, who ate sweets without thinking about whether they were as delicious as I expected them to be? That behavior belonged to the person I used to be.
Now, in truth, the book about 'letting go' is about reacting to loss and change in your life. When we lose a loved one, if we get mired down in the loss and the bad feelings, then we do not grow from the experience. In the last six years, I have lost both of my parents. I realize that I was very fortunate to have them for so many years, and we were close and I miss them, but I have come to realize that I have grown in ways that perhaps I could not have without the experience of loss. The person I used to be was a daughter, in addition to other roles. That daughter role no longer exists for me, and it's absence, although sometimes painful, has also freed me up to be something different, to take on another role.
I think that all of us at Project Transformation are perhaps shedding a role that we used to fill, and we may not find a new role so comfortable as we thought. It is important to think about how we want to embrace the new role, and how to let go of the old one so that the new clothes that we wear (figuratively) in our new role, are as comfortable as the old. Going from being the person who always worked behind the scenes to the person in the starring role of the play can be frightening, but it's the only one where you can see your name in lights.
So, the whole point of today's blog was to point out that there is a lot about us that is new and if we are not ready to let go of the person we used to be, and embrace the new, then backsliding is a distinct possibility. It happened to me before, but it is not going to happen to me again. I am ready to let go. Are you?
And the reason I bring this up is that yesterday I received in the mail another book, one that I had forgotten I ordered quite some time ago, and it is entitled "Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be" and while it has to do with loss and change, just the title caught me up short. As we travel though life, we experience many different kinds of emotions, events, and places. Each one affects us in a way that changes us or affirms us in some way, even the smallest way that we may not recognize at the time. We have in our minds an idea of who we are, and yet, events and such are changing us all the time. Lately, some people I haven't seen in awhile have been telling me that I look different, but when I look in the mirror, I can't see the change. It tells me that I haven't yet let go of the person I used to be and that I better be pretty careful about how I look at things like food and exercise.
So far the exercise part is getting to be a part of the new me. I crave that hilly walk that I take if I miss a day. I like the way I feel when I am tired out after a workout with "the demon", and I hardly ever think "oh I can't do that, it's too hard" like I did when we went on our hikes that scared the bejezzus out of me.
But ice cream still looks good to me, and cake still sounds good, even though I was thinking the other day that the last several times I indulged in cake, it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. The texture wasn't really satisfying, and the taste just didn't live up to expectations and wasn't worth the calories. So if what I "crave" proves not to be as good as anticipated, and yet it still appeals, is it because I have not yet let go of the person I used to be, who ate sweets without thinking about whether they were as delicious as I expected them to be? That behavior belonged to the person I used to be.
Now, in truth, the book about 'letting go' is about reacting to loss and change in your life. When we lose a loved one, if we get mired down in the loss and the bad feelings, then we do not grow from the experience. In the last six years, I have lost both of my parents. I realize that I was very fortunate to have them for so many years, and we were close and I miss them, but I have come to realize that I have grown in ways that perhaps I could not have without the experience of loss. The person I used to be was a daughter, in addition to other roles. That daughter role no longer exists for me, and it's absence, although sometimes painful, has also freed me up to be something different, to take on another role.
I think that all of us at Project Transformation are perhaps shedding a role that we used to fill, and we may not find a new role so comfortable as we thought. It is important to think about how we want to embrace the new role, and how to let go of the old one so that the new clothes that we wear (figuratively) in our new role, are as comfortable as the old. Going from being the person who always worked behind the scenes to the person in the starring role of the play can be frightening, but it's the only one where you can see your name in lights.
So, the whole point of today's blog was to point out that there is a lot about us that is new and if we are not ready to let go of the person we used to be, and embrace the new, then backsliding is a distinct possibility. It happened to me before, but it is not going to happen to me again. I am ready to let go. Are you?
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Thank you
I want to take this opportunity to say Thank you to the people who have expressed their support to me in so many areas of my life--all my life. I was taught by my parents to appreciate all the good things that come my way, and I hope that I have done that. They had the ability to take whatever good there was around them, and to make a party of it. I feel so fortunate to have been taught the value of life by people who enjoyed it so, and who were filled with a joie de vivre that was positively contagious. I was also fortunate enough to have had them in my life for long enough to have come through all the stages that life throws at us: the rebeliousness of adolescence, the sudden realization that they were not perfect, just people doing their best, the necessity to separate and individuate, and the coming back again, just to see them as the dear people they were, flawed but wonderful. I know people who did not have that opportunity, and they missed out on something quite miraculous. So Thanks Mom and Dad.
On the road of life, it is easy to take the people who have a starring role in your life every day for granted. So I want to say Thanks to my husband Bob who had always been supportive and a real friend.
And now, I am lucky enough to have met, to have become acquainted with, and to befriend (I hope) some very special people with whom I am traveling the same road on the way to better health, and learning to value putting time into the care of me, just as I have put time into the care of others. There is an energy that I have felt arising among us when we see each other at the gym, or at some gathering at CHLI, and it is the energy that is created when there is support. Those of us who have tried to lose weight, or get into better shape can appreciate that this time it's different. Not only do we have these terrific surroundings, the luxurious trappings of the 4 Seasons Hotel in Westlake, we have the support of the dedicated staff at CHLI, and the medical staff, but most of all we have each other and our families who are cheering us on and without whom we really couldn't do what we have to do. The families with younger children who are learning to give up "treats", or at least think of them differently, are not only helping their parent but learning valuable lessons that will help them to stay healthy and not have to "regain" health along the way. So to all of you family members, I salute you and say Thank you. You're not only helping and supporting your parent by trying new foods in new combinations, you're also helping the rest of us. I couldn't be more appreciative.
We have several months ahead of us to get into the best shape we can be, in the best shape we have been in years, so we are going to need all the help there is out there, so having all of you Project Transformationist and your families behind us will make all the difference. In advance, I want to say a great big THANKS. We're all going to make it.
On the road of life, it is easy to take the people who have a starring role in your life every day for granted. So I want to say Thanks to my husband Bob who had always been supportive and a real friend.
And now, I am lucky enough to have met, to have become acquainted with, and to befriend (I hope) some very special people with whom I am traveling the same road on the way to better health, and learning to value putting time into the care of me, just as I have put time into the care of others. There is an energy that I have felt arising among us when we see each other at the gym, or at some gathering at CHLI, and it is the energy that is created when there is support. Those of us who have tried to lose weight, or get into better shape can appreciate that this time it's different. Not only do we have these terrific surroundings, the luxurious trappings of the 4 Seasons Hotel in Westlake, we have the support of the dedicated staff at CHLI, and the medical staff, but most of all we have each other and our families who are cheering us on and without whom we really couldn't do what we have to do. The families with younger children who are learning to give up "treats", or at least think of them differently, are not only helping their parent but learning valuable lessons that will help them to stay healthy and not have to "regain" health along the way. So to all of you family members, I salute you and say Thank you. You're not only helping and supporting your parent by trying new foods in new combinations, you're also helping the rest of us. I couldn't be more appreciative.
We have several months ahead of us to get into the best shape we can be, in the best shape we have been in years, so we are going to need all the help there is out there, so having all of you Project Transformationist and your families behind us will make all the difference. In advance, I want to say a great big THANKS. We're all going to make it.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Empty spaces and second chances
I couldn't help this morning but to think of the intersecting lines of our lives. Last night I was watching a show whose last line of dialogue was "You believe that things happen for a reason don't you?" and I couldn't help but think of that this morning. So many things happened yesterday that without the coincidence of what came before and before that, they never would have happened. And since what came out of it all was so much for the good, it just couldn't have been coincidence. That little click I heard was my little part of the Universe falling into place, and while I don't want to burden you with all the little steps that took place to make me realize this, suffice it to say that today I see the world as a different and happier and more abundant and forgiving place.
As Lucy and I took an easy walk around just the library this morning, I was thinking of empty spaces and second chances. The empty spaces of which I speak are the those left empty through loss. Loss is a condition of being human: we lose jobs and with them our sense of purpose, sometimes; we lose friends, sometimes through changes in circumstances like moving away or going to a new job or a new situation; we lose a sense of where we belong if we have to move to a new place; we lose a sense of trust and well being when we get sick and have to face fear of the future; and most important, we lose dear ones, sometimes far earlier than we can bear to lose them and the empty place that yawns inside us just cannot be filled and can grow unbearable. So what happens to that empty space? If it is something or someone that we have to mourn, and we somehow don't or can't take the time or have the wherewithal to do it, then we will have to revisit that time, and by then, the hole that the loss has created in us has grown and needs more to fill it. As we ignore or gloss over the hole, it grows until it can take over our lives. Some people fill it with work, some with food, some with drugs or wild behavior. But life is a series of second chances.
As long as we draw breath, we have available to us the opportunity to have a second chance. We have the opportunity to put the past behind us and to take a step in the direction of healing. No one will ever fill the place that my parents held in my life and I was lucky enough to have them well into my own advancing years. The hole, the empty space is there. But my brother said something to me this morning: "The past is a different country" and I realized the truth in that statement. Years ago I visited Spain and I have never felt so at home. Leaving there was like a wrenching away. But I know that for a hundred and one reasons I could not stay there. I remember it fondly, but not with longing. I rejoice in the time I spent there and what I saw and learned and felt and tasted. But it is not now, and I am on a new journey. It is a chance to see a new country, climb a new mountain, take a new journey. I will never have new parents, but I am lucky enough to have 8 new friends.
We, the lucky recipients of the gift of Project Transformation are on a new journey, having a second chance to put the past into perspective, enjoy the view from here, and know that we have new vistas to conquer, new sites to see. Getting to know each other, we are getting glimpses into what our cohorts are dealing with, what losses they have to face, and how they are embracing their second chances. Taking positive steps in the interest of your future has a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of the people who surround you and care about you. I have grown to care about my group, and I feel a caring from them as well. We are all climbing mountains, conquering demons, and slaying dragons, each a bit different from the others. The more I have learned about the struggles of others, the stronger it makes me because it puts my own struggles into perspective.
I want to share with all of you a quote I read in this morning's newspaper that was one of the intersecting lines that I spoke of earlier. I hope it will help you on your journey. It was said by the Korean climber Oh Eun-sun on her completion of conquering the 14 highest mountains in the world: "We don't beat mountains, they open up and let us in. When you reach the top, you have to give thanks to the mountain for allowing your climb". Some days I feel as if I am trying to beat my body into submission by exercise and denial, and I forget to give thanks to it for allowing the climb.
We are all given that second chance, that opportunity to reach the top, if only we will take it. So to my cohort group each of whom is fighting the good fight, making the time to change and learn and to conquer, I know that we will all be standing atop our own personal Everests, extending our hands to each other.
As Lucy and I took an easy walk around just the library this morning, I was thinking of empty spaces and second chances. The empty spaces of which I speak are the those left empty through loss. Loss is a condition of being human: we lose jobs and with them our sense of purpose, sometimes; we lose friends, sometimes through changes in circumstances like moving away or going to a new job or a new situation; we lose a sense of where we belong if we have to move to a new place; we lose a sense of trust and well being when we get sick and have to face fear of the future; and most important, we lose dear ones, sometimes far earlier than we can bear to lose them and the empty place that yawns inside us just cannot be filled and can grow unbearable. So what happens to that empty space? If it is something or someone that we have to mourn, and we somehow don't or can't take the time or have the wherewithal to do it, then we will have to revisit that time, and by then, the hole that the loss has created in us has grown and needs more to fill it. As we ignore or gloss over the hole, it grows until it can take over our lives. Some people fill it with work, some with food, some with drugs or wild behavior. But life is a series of second chances.
As long as we draw breath, we have available to us the opportunity to have a second chance. We have the opportunity to put the past behind us and to take a step in the direction of healing. No one will ever fill the place that my parents held in my life and I was lucky enough to have them well into my own advancing years. The hole, the empty space is there. But my brother said something to me this morning: "The past is a different country" and I realized the truth in that statement. Years ago I visited Spain and I have never felt so at home. Leaving there was like a wrenching away. But I know that for a hundred and one reasons I could not stay there. I remember it fondly, but not with longing. I rejoice in the time I spent there and what I saw and learned and felt and tasted. But it is not now, and I am on a new journey. It is a chance to see a new country, climb a new mountain, take a new journey. I will never have new parents, but I am lucky enough to have 8 new friends.
We, the lucky recipients of the gift of Project Transformation are on a new journey, having a second chance to put the past into perspective, enjoy the view from here, and know that we have new vistas to conquer, new sites to see. Getting to know each other, we are getting glimpses into what our cohorts are dealing with, what losses they have to face, and how they are embracing their second chances. Taking positive steps in the interest of your future has a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of the people who surround you and care about you. I have grown to care about my group, and I feel a caring from them as well. We are all climbing mountains, conquering demons, and slaying dragons, each a bit different from the others. The more I have learned about the struggles of others, the stronger it makes me because it puts my own struggles into perspective.
I want to share with all of you a quote I read in this morning's newspaper that was one of the intersecting lines that I spoke of earlier. I hope it will help you on your journey. It was said by the Korean climber Oh Eun-sun on her completion of conquering the 14 highest mountains in the world: "We don't beat mountains, they open up and let us in. When you reach the top, you have to give thanks to the mountain for allowing your climb". Some days I feel as if I am trying to beat my body into submission by exercise and denial, and I forget to give thanks to it for allowing the climb.
We are all given that second chance, that opportunity to reach the top, if only we will take it. So to my cohort group each of whom is fighting the good fight, making the time to change and learn and to conquer, I know that we will all be standing atop our own personal Everests, extending our hands to each other.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Waiting for......magic?
This morning as I was making the bed, a phrase flashed through my mind: " Waiting for something to happen is not the same as making it happen". I know that what seems profound to one person is pretty ho-hum to another, and my mother would have looked at me with a smirk and claimed 'Columbus!' indicating that I had said something pretty obvious, but perhaps if I explain...
Since I have been fighting the weight issue for a long time now, and at times have been pretty successful, only to fall off the wagon and have to start over again, I have tried for years to understand what happens to me when eating right, or in this case, sanely, is easy. Saying no to what is not good for me is not a struggle, not a wrenching, and certainly not a deprivation. It is just saying no, not now, not this time, I don't really care for any right now, perhaps another time. Those times seemed to descend on me by magic. And sometimes they lasted for really extended periods of time--a year, sometimes two. So as if by magic, the weight fell off and I was happy and people were complimentary and approving, and I thought it would be forever, because it was so easy.... and then the day came when the magic fell away, the old curse seemed to descend once more. The eat anything-eat seconds-eat what- makes-you-feel-not-so-good-but-tastes-wonderful-going-down curse. The eat-without- thinking, let alone thinking- about- consequences curse.
The problem was that there was no rhyme or reason that I could see for the magic shield to have come to protect me, and again no reason for it to have departed. Perhaps if I spent years on the psychiatrist's couch, I might be able to fathom the reason, and then again, perhaps not. But in the meantime the pounds pack on and the health gains disappear as if by magic as well.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized today that waiting for magic to happen is a fool's game and that the real magic is making a decision to do something and stick with it. It's not necessarily going to be easy. And maybe saying no to the cake or the cookie or the ice cream is going to wrench the hell out of you, but the magic is that when you do it you get to give yourself a pat on the back, an internal message of "good girl", a pep talk that healthier is better, a walking taller, a hope that those old "skinny jeans" that you may have hidden from yourself in the back of the closet will someday fit again, even if they are out of style, or no longer appropriate to your age or station in life.
So, making a decision will be the magic that we learn to make. The smooth card trick is making it seem easy when it's not, the rabbit that we pull out of the hat is the good health that makes itself known in the new lab results we get, or the new numbers on the scale, or the fact that the hill that is at the end of our walk now goes unnoticed rather than a huffing and puffing exercise. So to my wonderful cohorts at Project Transformation, our Magic Castle is not on a hill in Hollywood, but rather right off the freeway at Lindero Canyon in Westlake Village. And it is populated by master magicians of all disciplines, card tricksters at nutrition, rabbit producers in the gym, and teachers of strategic thinking in all the other departments. Making it happen is better than waiting for it to happen. Waiting may be easier, but making it is so creative, so proactive, that it has the power to make magicians of us as well.
Since I have been fighting the weight issue for a long time now, and at times have been pretty successful, only to fall off the wagon and have to start over again, I have tried for years to understand what happens to me when eating right, or in this case, sanely, is easy. Saying no to what is not good for me is not a struggle, not a wrenching, and certainly not a deprivation. It is just saying no, not now, not this time, I don't really care for any right now, perhaps another time. Those times seemed to descend on me by magic. And sometimes they lasted for really extended periods of time--a year, sometimes two. So as if by magic, the weight fell off and I was happy and people were complimentary and approving, and I thought it would be forever, because it was so easy.... and then the day came when the magic fell away, the old curse seemed to descend once more. The eat anything-eat seconds-eat what- makes-you-feel-not-so-good-but-tastes-wonderful-going-down curse. The eat-without- thinking, let alone thinking- about- consequences curse.
The problem was that there was no rhyme or reason that I could see for the magic shield to have come to protect me, and again no reason for it to have departed. Perhaps if I spent years on the psychiatrist's couch, I might be able to fathom the reason, and then again, perhaps not. But in the meantime the pounds pack on and the health gains disappear as if by magic as well.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I realized today that waiting for magic to happen is a fool's game and that the real magic is making a decision to do something and stick with it. It's not necessarily going to be easy. And maybe saying no to the cake or the cookie or the ice cream is going to wrench the hell out of you, but the magic is that when you do it you get to give yourself a pat on the back, an internal message of "good girl", a pep talk that healthier is better, a walking taller, a hope that those old "skinny jeans" that you may have hidden from yourself in the back of the closet will someday fit again, even if they are out of style, or no longer appropriate to your age or station in life.
So, making a decision will be the magic that we learn to make. The smooth card trick is making it seem easy when it's not, the rabbit that we pull out of the hat is the good health that makes itself known in the new lab results we get, or the new numbers on the scale, or the fact that the hill that is at the end of our walk now goes unnoticed rather than a huffing and puffing exercise. So to my wonderful cohorts at Project Transformation, our Magic Castle is not on a hill in Hollywood, but rather right off the freeway at Lindero Canyon in Westlake Village. And it is populated by master magicians of all disciplines, card tricksters at nutrition, rabbit producers in the gym, and teachers of strategic thinking in all the other departments. Making it happen is better than waiting for it to happen. Waiting may be easier, but making it is so creative, so proactive, that it has the power to make magicians of us as well.
Monday, May 17, 2010
How do you see yourself?
It was a lovely and rewarding weekend that began on Saturday with our group (minus one) meeting to discuss group health strategies. I have found it to be energizing to meet with the group and to get to know each other a bit at a time. Where we were all pretty guarded at first about our more personally held worries, now we are feeling a bit safer I would say. Some of us have sleep issues, some weight issues, and some other health issues. I always spend some of the time coming and going from the Hotel thinking about the program, where it is going and why I am there and how I am best going to take advantage of all there is to learn, to partake of, and to do. So on Saturday we talked about goals and measurements of success. Hearing everyone's ideas is such a help, and everyone is so generous with encouragement and good feeling. I think that we are becoming an actual group rather than just a gathering of people. I feel so good when I am at the gym and run into someone. Every now and then I see Kristy working hard, and Dave and I were the sole users of the gym on a recent Saturday nite. I've learned that Sophia finds the treadmill boring so she walks outside, and an injured foot caused Bill some slowdown. I saw Kristin after a workout and found out her hair is really wavy, and Percy had a wonderful trip and is starting later, but with equal enthusiasm. Casi's hours make it unlikely I will run into her except when we have group meetings, but all the same it's like learning about the people who live on the same floor in a dorm, or getting together with a new book club or something. We are learning about each other and finding differences and similarities that make us real to each other.
I thought that I was the only one for whom the first blush of excitement has worn off and who now has to buckle down and make it work. But I found out on Saturday that I'm not. At first it was the excitement and disbelief about our great good luck at being winners that made us sail along in the deep waters of new experiences, new ways of doing things and looking ar our time and our exercise and our food commitments. Now, I think that we are all aware that the hard work sets in. It is the scheduling, the fitting in of blocks of time to do what needs to be done, the changes in lifestyle and eating styles on a more or less permnent basis that makes it a challenge. After all, we have been doing what we did to get the way we are for a lot of years. Now is the time for change and so now we face challenges, and I am sure that each of us faces different ones.
Meditations on body image, diets, all kinds of programs that are geared to weight loss or change ask the practitioner to visualize him/herself the way they hope to be. If it is thin, to hold that image of themselves in the mind''s eye. I use "thin" and "weight loss" here as examples because that is my issue. If it is fitness for others, they have other images to hold. This morning I realized that when those meditations asked for a "picture", I have just kind of been glossing over that. I realized that I don't have or haven't been able to conjure that picture. I know that I want to be wearing slim fitting jeans with a tucked in blouse and a belt, but my own head, my own face is never in that picture. So when I say "what's wrong with this picture?" the answer is that I don't recognize it as me. That's a real challenge. The ability to see myself as I want to be. I wonder if any of the others have that problem, the ability to visualize themselves as they want to be.
So does it, do you think, as my cousin suggests, have something to do with feeling deserving? It's an important question for me and one I really have to ponder. I have always been the kind of person who felt that I could have what I wanted if I just worked harder at it. Not always the case as we know. You can't make someone love you by working harder. You can't keep someone alive by working harder at it. But I guess those two examples can be refuted. We can keep ourselves healthier and presumably alive longer by getting healthier with this program as the CHLI teaches us. And I guess we can learn to love ourselves by giving this golden opportunity everything we've got.
I'm learing that there are personal weak spots that I have to plan for in order to overcome them. I am getting better at it, but it needs work. Isn't it nice that there are things to do and learn and improve no matter how old you are? And isn't it delightful when you find a group of people that happened to come together through no fault or effort of their own and yet find a way to be friendly, encourage each other, learn from each other, laugh together, and work toward personal goals in concert with each other. In concert, I like that. By the time we finish this program, we could be a symphony. Wouldn't that be terrific?
I thought that I was the only one for whom the first blush of excitement has worn off and who now has to buckle down and make it work. But I found out on Saturday that I'm not. At first it was the excitement and disbelief about our great good luck at being winners that made us sail along in the deep waters of new experiences, new ways of doing things and looking ar our time and our exercise and our food commitments. Now, I think that we are all aware that the hard work sets in. It is the scheduling, the fitting in of blocks of time to do what needs to be done, the changes in lifestyle and eating styles on a more or less permnent basis that makes it a challenge. After all, we have been doing what we did to get the way we are for a lot of years. Now is the time for change and so now we face challenges, and I am sure that each of us faces different ones.
Meditations on body image, diets, all kinds of programs that are geared to weight loss or change ask the practitioner to visualize him/herself the way they hope to be. If it is thin, to hold that image of themselves in the mind''s eye. I use "thin" and "weight loss" here as examples because that is my issue. If it is fitness for others, they have other images to hold. This morning I realized that when those meditations asked for a "picture", I have just kind of been glossing over that. I realized that I don't have or haven't been able to conjure that picture. I know that I want to be wearing slim fitting jeans with a tucked in blouse and a belt, but my own head, my own face is never in that picture. So when I say "what's wrong with this picture?" the answer is that I don't recognize it as me. That's a real challenge. The ability to see myself as I want to be. I wonder if any of the others have that problem, the ability to visualize themselves as they want to be.
So does it, do you think, as my cousin suggests, have something to do with feeling deserving? It's an important question for me and one I really have to ponder. I have always been the kind of person who felt that I could have what I wanted if I just worked harder at it. Not always the case as we know. You can't make someone love you by working harder. You can't keep someone alive by working harder at it. But I guess those two examples can be refuted. We can keep ourselves healthier and presumably alive longer by getting healthier with this program as the CHLI teaches us. And I guess we can learn to love ourselves by giving this golden opportunity everything we've got.
I'm learing that there are personal weak spots that I have to plan for in order to overcome them. I am getting better at it, but it needs work. Isn't it nice that there are things to do and learn and improve no matter how old you are? And isn't it delightful when you find a group of people that happened to come together through no fault or effort of their own and yet find a way to be friendly, encourage each other, learn from each other, laugh together, and work toward personal goals in concert with each other. In concert, I like that. By the time we finish this program, we could be a symphony. Wouldn't that be terrific?
Friday, April 30, 2010
A Feast: food plus inspiration
How can I begin to describe last night's dinner. Several words jump to mind like the obvious "delicious, nutritious, well balanced, beautiful to behold" and just plain "yummy". But there was so very much more. This was a dinner attended by most of the cohort of Project Transformation, in addition to those who were teaching and guiding us along the way. We came together at the beginning of the evening as strangers for the most part, and, I think, parted as friends looking forward to working together again, and being glad to know that we would be gathering several more times along the way to our goals. It was terrific to get to know each other a bit better, and to work together in the Wellness Kitchen under the able lead of Paulette, our fearless leader, and of course Wendy the chef. So now we know the wonders of barley in comparison to rice (half the calories and twice the fiber), how to round out the dinner plate by combining some of the things we love and are automatically drawn to for comfort, like pasta, with lots of deliciously prepared veggies and soups and salads, and adding lots of antioxidants with bush tea. The barley risotto was fabulous, and it was really nice to see Dave carefully chopping the veggies, and stirring and attending the risotto until it was done. Casi worked like a demon to make a fabulous soup, and the salad along with the wonderful vinagrette. It's easy to see how she manages a busy and demanding job (with hours that would easily kill me in a week), feed and manage her household of three children plus the combination of her boyfriend's family, pack her cooler with approved things to eat, and still look so good. All that energy! and it's not even illegal. Sophia's crabcakes were divine, and we who "sampled" the broken ones were only sorry that she didn't manage to break more of them. The tortellini with roasted cherry tonatoes and feta was about as comfortable as food gets. Bill's grilled artichokes were just gorgeous, and added an element of high-end gourmet to the plate. Christy's pistachio crusted halibut with Chimichurri sauce was moist and didn't look too hard to make. I think that Wendy was responsible for the Asparagus with sesame chili vinagrette, and I watched her put it on the grill for just a moment for two. Wow! It was still green and crunchy to the bite and just delectable. The recipe calls for roasting them, but the grill added a hint of something different. I prepped the chicken and veggies with a small minimum of fuss and bother. Halving the chicken first, I just separated the skin from the meat along the backbone and inserted the small amount of margarine I had mixed with fresh rosemary and lemon zest, added salt and pepper and baked them on a rack. I am going to try that tonight at home for my family. The veggies were one small potato per person, cut into a two inch dice, baby carrots with their tops, and cut up fennel (the bulb part), salted and peppered with one tablespoon of olive oil added and then tossed and roasted on a flat sheet pan. they have the time to caramelize and the flavor is really fresh and unencumbered by alot of other stuff. Someone, I can't remember who, possibly Cassi or Cristy made a wonderful hummus to have with raw veggies as a crudite. The dessert was simply too elegant to be legal. It was a lemon pudding cake, baked and served with fresh berries and what looked like a raspberry puree, with a sprig of mint. 200 calories we were told, in comparison to the 600 of a restaurant's typical dessert.
The kitchen was full and fun and everyone had a good time. For some of us who do a lot of cooking at home, we are often alone, so this was especially fun. The variety of food and prep, the help with clean-up, and excellent instruction were all valuable. Part of the value was the good time. Then we sat down in the elegant dining room and partook of everything we made. We learned that starting with the hearty soup would get enough veggies on board to curb hunger and encourage satiety. We quizzed each other on how things were prepared, and the enjoyment was apparent. It was too bad that we were missing two of our members. I felt like none of us wanted to leave. Paulette regaled us with the mess that school food services are in and how she is making improvements in some of our local districts. To think that French fries are considered a vegetable on school menus is a shame. Being old enough to remember when the lunch ladies used to cook the lunches, it is sad to think what kids have become accustomed to. A fast food nation we have indeed become, to the detriment of the nation's children especially. It is one thing to be overweight as an adult, but to be unable to run and play hard without gasping for breath, as a child, is a travesty. Paulette, you go girl, as Oprah would say.
It was so good to learn about each other and to be inspired by everyone. It was easy to feel, before last night, that each of us was in this alone. Now, we are a group. Bill is already looking different than when we first began. I feel heartened and good about all of our chances to maximize this experience and give it our best shot. People who didn't cook are cooking, families who didn't eat veggies are trying them out, lives are being changed. But it's like a pebble being thrown into a pond. The outward ripples from the splash will affect more than just us eight people. It will affect the people we live with, our children, our friends, people who take note as we look better and want to get on the bandwagon. My best friend has already joined a gym and gotten a trainer, because, she says, I inspired her. She also tells me that since she has been working out, her legs feel stronger than they have in years. Now her kids are taking note and so it goes. I am nagging my husband to try physical therapy to maximize his capabilities, so there is more life in his years. There was an old shampoo commercial that was something like "I used this shampoo and loved it, then I told two friends and they told two friends and so on and so on and so forth." Each time the screen divided. So our success could be the beginning of a Project Transformation for our whole community. What a concept!
Siobhan came to chat with us and told us about her two weddings. That small thing, encouragement and friendship, sharing and laughing together is the amazing thing about this program. I feel as if our success is important to all the people who we deal with, from the folks in the office, at the front desk, in the gym, to the good Doctor Barr and the staff in the medical facility. I feel cared about. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we could all give the people we deal with in any capacity, the feeling that we care about their success and their well being? You walk away from there feeling rested, even if you are worn out and sweating from a hard workout. You feel as if for now, life has handed you a safety net.
So, before I end for today, I have some thanks to offer. First to the project for picking me to be part of this delightful experiment. Next to all the peole who take such good direct care of us, the nutritionists, the fitness gurus, the staff so full of smiles, and the other people we kind of indirectly interact with: the doormen, the ladies who offer water and take towels and keep things luxurious for us. And finally, and certainly not the least, my fellow transformationists. Some of you are juggling schedules to get this far away from home or work, all are juggling family obligations, and all are making a Herculean effort to make this work. I am filled with admiration for all of you and I look forward to getting to know all of you better over the next five months.
The kitchen was full and fun and everyone had a good time. For some of us who do a lot of cooking at home, we are often alone, so this was especially fun. The variety of food and prep, the help with clean-up, and excellent instruction were all valuable. Part of the value was the good time. Then we sat down in the elegant dining room and partook of everything we made. We learned that starting with the hearty soup would get enough veggies on board to curb hunger and encourage satiety. We quizzed each other on how things were prepared, and the enjoyment was apparent. It was too bad that we were missing two of our members. I felt like none of us wanted to leave. Paulette regaled us with the mess that school food services are in and how she is making improvements in some of our local districts. To think that French fries are considered a vegetable on school menus is a shame. Being old enough to remember when the lunch ladies used to cook the lunches, it is sad to think what kids have become accustomed to. A fast food nation we have indeed become, to the detriment of the nation's children especially. It is one thing to be overweight as an adult, but to be unable to run and play hard without gasping for breath, as a child, is a travesty. Paulette, you go girl, as Oprah would say.
It was so good to learn about each other and to be inspired by everyone. It was easy to feel, before last night, that each of us was in this alone. Now, we are a group. Bill is already looking different than when we first began. I feel heartened and good about all of our chances to maximize this experience and give it our best shot. People who didn't cook are cooking, families who didn't eat veggies are trying them out, lives are being changed. But it's like a pebble being thrown into a pond. The outward ripples from the splash will affect more than just us eight people. It will affect the people we live with, our children, our friends, people who take note as we look better and want to get on the bandwagon. My best friend has already joined a gym and gotten a trainer, because, she says, I inspired her. She also tells me that since she has been working out, her legs feel stronger than they have in years. Now her kids are taking note and so it goes. I am nagging my husband to try physical therapy to maximize his capabilities, so there is more life in his years. There was an old shampoo commercial that was something like "I used this shampoo and loved it, then I told two friends and they told two friends and so on and so on and so forth." Each time the screen divided. So our success could be the beginning of a Project Transformation for our whole community. What a concept!
Siobhan came to chat with us and told us about her two weddings. That small thing, encouragement and friendship, sharing and laughing together is the amazing thing about this program. I feel as if our success is important to all the people who we deal with, from the folks in the office, at the front desk, in the gym, to the good Doctor Barr and the staff in the medical facility. I feel cared about. Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we could all give the people we deal with in any capacity, the feeling that we care about their success and their well being? You walk away from there feeling rested, even if you are worn out and sweating from a hard workout. You feel as if for now, life has handed you a safety net.
So, before I end for today, I have some thanks to offer. First to the project for picking me to be part of this delightful experiment. Next to all the peole who take such good direct care of us, the nutritionists, the fitness gurus, the staff so full of smiles, and the other people we kind of indirectly interact with: the doormen, the ladies who offer water and take towels and keep things luxurious for us. And finally, and certainly not the least, my fellow transformationists. Some of you are juggling schedules to get this far away from home or work, all are juggling family obligations, and all are making a Herculean effort to make this work. I am filled with admiration for all of you and I look forward to getting to know all of you better over the next five months.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
getting to know me
Well folks and frogs, I have been getting reacquainted with my body over the last week. I feel as if we had been estranged from each other for ---well, let's say for a very long time now. I have been walking with Lucy in the morning for several years now, and I actually did it the Kaizen way, by first walking from the place where we played to the trash can to dispose of --well you know. Then when they moved the trash can, I walked a bit further to get there. Then when they took the can away altogether, at first I got in the car and held the bag out the window and drove around the park to another trash can, but after a while I began to think about adding the trashcan to our walk and so on, until I was walking the whole mile course around the park. Some days I would try to walk again in the afternoon, but found it either too hot, or too late by the time I got around it it, so I really didn't do it all that often. Even when I began to go to the nutritionist, I did'nt add much exercise to the mix, just started eating less.
But with the winning of Project Transformation, I made myself an oath to really dive into this with all four feet--remember, frogs have four feet. So I have followed the regimen of going to the gym and doing only cardio walking on the treadmill for that week for 20 minutes and the first day I was really bored. But the next day I had kind of figured out the treadmill and liked it a bit better, and I felt stronger and better, and b y Friday, I was feeling even better. I have to admit I took the weekend off, there was some of that apprehension that I had initially, about walking into something new. I know that there would be a lot more people around on the weekend and I wasn't really ready for that yet.
Yesterday, Monday I began a new week. As I am still learning how to go about this and fitting it into my life, I didn't make provisions for a light lunch, and ended up getting overly hungry and then eating potato chips. But I learned that I have to figure in some food. I am amazed at how good I feel just adding that extra 20 minutes of walking and how strong and energetic I feel. All those endorphins rushing around in my system. I am getting so much done at home too. I am doing things that have been on my "to do " list for ever, except now they are checked off. I am sleeping better and more soundly and I feel great.
Now, here is the kicker and why I wrote today. I also feel more mentally alert. I guess it is all that extra circulation that is bringing more blood to my brain. I have to recommend what I am doing to you. To feel physically stronger and mentally alert. What a combo! Of course there is still a long way to go, and I have yet to meet with my personal trainer. I will be meeting with her every week, and I suppose adding and varying my workout. Today is a pretty gloomy day, but Lucy and I walked, then I came home, cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry, and broke up the boxes that need to go into recycling and have been sitting out on the side of the house for weeks. I will spend some time brushing up on my language lessons that I have let languish, then a light lunch and off to the gym. I can see how this becomes addictive. How can it not when I feel so good. I think that it is the good feelings that are so addictive. I want to talk to the rest of the group and find out if they are feeling the same things. I think that maybe you had to have been estranged from your body for a while to feel this euphoria at reunification.
I wish I could explain more adequately how I feel. I didn't even realize how divorced I was from my physical self. It was like being a crab that changes containers as they grow. As I changed clothing sizes, the real me was left behind and I am finding myself. Not that the sizes have changed yet, it;s only the second week, but I feel as if I am on the road home.
But with the winning of Project Transformation, I made myself an oath to really dive into this with all four feet--remember, frogs have four feet. So I have followed the regimen of going to the gym and doing only cardio walking on the treadmill for that week for 20 minutes and the first day I was really bored. But the next day I had kind of figured out the treadmill and liked it a bit better, and I felt stronger and better, and b y Friday, I was feeling even better. I have to admit I took the weekend off, there was some of that apprehension that I had initially, about walking into something new. I know that there would be a lot more people around on the weekend and I wasn't really ready for that yet.
Yesterday, Monday I began a new week. As I am still learning how to go about this and fitting it into my life, I didn't make provisions for a light lunch, and ended up getting overly hungry and then eating potato chips. But I learned that I have to figure in some food. I am amazed at how good I feel just adding that extra 20 minutes of walking and how strong and energetic I feel. All those endorphins rushing around in my system. I am getting so much done at home too. I am doing things that have been on my "to do " list for ever, except now they are checked off. I am sleeping better and more soundly and I feel great.
Now, here is the kicker and why I wrote today. I also feel more mentally alert. I guess it is all that extra circulation that is bringing more blood to my brain. I have to recommend what I am doing to you. To feel physically stronger and mentally alert. What a combo! Of course there is still a long way to go, and I have yet to meet with my personal trainer. I will be meeting with her every week, and I suppose adding and varying my workout. Today is a pretty gloomy day, but Lucy and I walked, then I came home, cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry, and broke up the boxes that need to go into recycling and have been sitting out on the side of the house for weeks. I will spend some time brushing up on my language lessons that I have let languish, then a light lunch and off to the gym. I can see how this becomes addictive. How can it not when I feel so good. I think that it is the good feelings that are so addictive. I want to talk to the rest of the group and find out if they are feeling the same things. I think that maybe you had to have been estranged from your body for a while to feel this euphoria at reunification.
I wish I could explain more adequately how I feel. I didn't even realize how divorced I was from my physical self. It was like being a crab that changes containers as they grow. As I changed clothing sizes, the real me was left behind and I am finding myself. Not that the sizes have changed yet, it;s only the second week, but I feel as if I am on the road home.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
