Empty spaces and second chances

I couldn't help this morning but to think of the intersecting lines of our lives. Last night I was watching a show whose last line of dialogue was "You believe that things happen for a reason don't you?" and I couldn't help but think of that this morning. So many things happened yesterday that without the coincidence of what came before and before that, they never would have happened. And since what came out of it all was so much for the good, it just couldn't have been coincidence. That little click I heard was my little part of the Universe falling into place, and while I don't want to burden you with all the little steps that took place to make me realize this, suffice it to say that today I see the world as a different and happier and more abundant and forgiving place.
As Lucy and I took an easy walk around just the library this morning, I was thinking of empty spaces and second chances. The empty spaces of which I speak are the those left empty through loss. Loss is a condition of being human: we lose jobs and with them our sense of purpose, sometimes; we lose friends, sometimes through changes in circumstances like moving away or going to a new job or a new situation; we lose a sense of where we belong if we have to move to a new place; we lose a sense of trust and well being when we get sick and have to face fear of the future; and most important, we lose dear ones, sometimes far earlier than we can bear to lose them and the empty place that yawns inside us just cannot be filled and can grow unbearable. So what happens to that empty space? If it is something or someone that we have to mourn, and we somehow don't or can't take the time or have the wherewithal to do it, then we will have to revisit that time, and by then, the hole that the loss has created in us has grown and needs more to fill it. As we ignore or gloss over the hole, it grows until it can take over our lives. Some people fill it with work, some with food, some with drugs or wild behavior. But life is a series of second chances.
As long as we draw breath, we have available to us the opportunity to have a second chance. We have the opportunity to put the past behind us and to take a step in the direction of healing. No one will ever fill the place that my parents held in my life and I was lucky enough to have them well into my own advancing years. The hole, the empty space is there. But my brother said something to me this morning: "The past is a different country" and I realized the truth in that statement. Years ago I visited Spain and I have never felt so at home. Leaving there was like a wrenching away. But I know that for a hundred and one reasons I could not stay there. I remember it fondly, but not with longing. I rejoice in the time I spent there and what I saw and learned and felt and tasted. But it is not now, and I am on a new journey. It is a chance to see a new country, climb a new mountain, take a new journey. I will never have new parents, but I am lucky enough to have 8 new friends.
We, the lucky recipients of the gift of Project Transformation are on a new journey, having a second chance to put the past into perspective, enjoy the view from here, and know that we have new vistas to conquer, new sites to see. Getting to know each other, we are getting glimpses into what our cohorts are dealing with, what losses they have to face, and how they are embracing their second chances. Taking positive steps in the interest of your future has a ripple effect in your life and in the lives of the people who surround you and care about you. I have grown to care about my group, and I feel a caring from them as well. We are all climbing mountains, conquering demons, and slaying dragons, each a bit different from the others. The more I have learned about the struggles of others, the stronger it makes me because it puts my own struggles into perspective.
I want to share with all of you a quote I read in this morning's newspaper that was one of the intersecting lines that I spoke of earlier. I hope it will help you on your journey. It was said by the Korean climber Oh Eun-sun on her completion of conquering the 14 highest mountains in the world: "We don't beat mountains, they open up and let us in. When you reach the top, you have to give thanks to the mountain for allowing your climb". Some days I feel as if I am trying to beat my body into submission by exercise and denial, and I forget to give thanks to it for allowing the climb.
We are all given that second chance, that opportunity to reach the top, if only we will take it. So to my cohort group each of whom is fighting the good fight, making the time to change and learn and to conquer, I know that we will all be standing atop our own personal Everests, extending our hands to each other.

Making it Happen..No waiting

So today is the first day of MAKING IT HAPPEN. I made myself a small poster for my frig that says "NOW is the time to MAKE IT HAPPEN." I would be happy to share if you want. My great weakness, bread, has proved to me that after several weeks without it, I still can't handle having really good bread in the house without going crazy. That delicious rye bread from the bakery has called to me all week, and I added slices for no reason at all except that they are delicious. When I awoke today, Sophia's admonition rang in my ear "if we don't do it now with all the support we have, when will we do it?" So today is the day. Last night I ate out, but ordered the 3oz sirloin, grilled. It was fine and enough food. I could have ordered two sides of broccali instead of broccali and a baked potato, but it was OK nevertheless, and I only thought of that this morning. That is an example of coming up with the solution after the fact, but there it will be the next time I find myself in a restaurant.
I feel myself getting stronger when I make a good decision, I just don't know why it takes so long. I know that last week was not a good week, I felt weak and needy, and the saying "no " was just not in the vocabulary. So there was the birthday cake at the 95th birthday party, a small slice but unnecessary, the tasting of the special cheese cake at the dinner I attended on Tuesday night, OK, I did manage to take the smallest piece on the plate, but I really didn't need it at all. Today I feel the strength in my bones, and if I can just manage to remember to drink plenty of water, to wash out the toxins, then the fabulous massage I had on Tuesday will really mean something. I am taking the time to re-read some of the materials that I have in my folder from CHLI. I looked at them before, but now in the midst of change, it is important to put them at the forefront. Everyone has been patient with me, except me, and now I am ready to redouble my efforts to make it happen. Magic is not something you can depend on in everyday life. So I am committing to you, kind readers, that I am making it happen and I will report to you how it is going. Each meal will be a small step on the road, using the Kaizen way. I won't worry about the last meal, or the one coming up, just the one in front of me. I have begun the journey again with renewed vigor. I will not use food for anything but nourishment, not for comfort, not instead of feelings, not for celebration. Paulette mentioned to me that if I am not hungry for the next meal on the agenda, it is probably because I ate too much at the last one. In thinking about it, I have not felt hunger all week. A sure sign that I have to make the effort to weigh and measure, to eat more mindfully, and to dring water.
Looking forward to a good workout today. At least the exercise is going well.

Busy days

Some days I just can't believe how much there is to do in a day. Or maybe I am just experiencing a low energy week this week. I know that everyone has them. Sometimes when the weather is not quite what we want or in this case, expect, maybe it drains us of something. By this time in the year, I am usually just wearing a t-shirt and jeans to do the morning walk. But I am still wearing a jacket this year. OK not a heavy jacket, but it is weighing me down. The other thing that is really weighing me down is ♠I have to admit that I seem to have lost my focus on weight loss. I have been at a standstill for a couple of weeks, and it is so disappointing. It's not that I have been really attending to portions like I should. So I have only myself to blame. I am eating the "right food", prepared right, but I am just not attending to the right amounts. Is it only that I am tired of weighing and measuring? Or is it the prospect of always having to weigh and measure? Is it laziness, or is it something else. It's too early in the game to lose focus. I have run into alot of my cohorts in the program at the gym, and I am so proud of all of them. I need to shake myself out of this lethargy and get back on course. I like going to the gym, and it really energizes me, so I should really want to do it, and today I was planning to go, but by the time I finished all the undone chores from the week, I was beat.
I can't wait for tomorrow's Group Health Strategies session. I am hoping to get back some focus and soak up some of the energy from the group.
Have you noticed my new frog picture? I just love it and am looking for a frame for it for my bathroom so that I can look at it closely every day. Just can't return to those frog days!
The weekend will be a challenge and I am looking to my cohort group to help me with strategies to get through it. It is my aunt's 95th birthday and there will be a party with cake and ice cream and lots of family. It is a recipe for lots of mistakes. I have decided to sit and meditate all morning on how wonderful it will be to be healthier by NOT indulging in things that are unhealthy for me. After the party, I will plan to show up at the gym.
Well, everyone, have a happy weekend, and to my group who I will see in the morning, I am really looking forward to sharing and learning group health strategies. See you tomorrow!
Looking over what I have written, it doesn't even sound like me. I must need more sleep. I promise my next post will be more UP!