Learning to say "Yes"

Now that I have my darling Lucy well again, with a new lease on life, I have been thinking about the new lease on life that I am working on, that all of us Project Transformation winners are getting, with the help of the CHLI. There isn't really a moment in life, I guess with the exception of taking our very last breath and perhaps even then, that we can't turn over a new leaf, make a decision about a new and better way to live, improve our relationships, and in general make our own world and the worlds of those whose lives we touch, better. The last breath thing would be telling someone you have loved them, or that you are sorry. But with that as an exception, I am thinking of all that I have begun to do over the last three months that I have not done in any sustained manner before that will add health to my years.
Learning to say "yes" is one of those new things that I am learning and it has been an amazing learning experience. I am a person, like many women, especially of my generation, who was taught not to bother others with my needs, not to give anyone else any trouble about taking care of me, and to do for myself when possible. How often women feel guilty when they are sick or hurt and are always saying how sorry they are to cause any one any bother. So when asked if we need anything, we always answer politely, "Oh please don't bother, I can do it myself". Learning to say "yes" means allowing oneself to be cared for, in big and small ways, and it is a difficult skill to learn. CHLI has been very instrumental in helping me learn to say yes. It is learning to say ( and believe) that I am as important as anyone else, that I deserve to be treated as well as I treat others. Not by stepping on someone else's toes, but by just graciously accepting what is offered on my behalf. It is kind of humbling to know that when I became a feminist in the early days of the movement, learning to say NO was big--"No" to being paid less than I was worth, "No" to being taken advantage of in the workplace, but learning to say yes was never part of the equasion. Not a big resounding "yes", but a quiet, polite and grateful "yes" for a courtesy extended, for a kindness offered, for a thoughtful act performed.
I knew that it had finally sunk in when I was recently in the dentist's chair and remarked on how chilly it was in the room, and was asked if I wanted a blanket. "Yes" came the immediate answer, tripping out of my mouth without so much as a pang of guilt. I heard that answer, made without equivocation, without excuse, and knew that I had "come a long way, baby". When asked, quite often, if I want a glass of water at CHLI, the simple and immediate and guiltless answer is now "yes, thanks". I get lots of chances to practice, and I love the results.
Our new lease on life has come with saying "yes"to eating right, "yes" to learning new ways of doing things, "yes" to more exercise, "yes" to fitting ourselves onto the list of important 'things to do', and lucky us, it has come with a chance to enjoy new friendships, the luxury of beautiful surroundings, and the chance for more life in our years. So Thanks to all of our mentors, and to the Hotel for hosting us and giving us this opportunity to be better than we were when we began.
If that is not a new Lease On Life, then I don't know what is.

Great News

Good News! Today I got the preliminary biopsy report on Lucy from the vet, and it is that the tumor was not cancer. the final report will come on Monday, but for today, I am thrilled. Lucy is doing well, and looks a lot like her old self, minus any hair on her abdomen. They removed her spleen, but she is good and can live long and well without one. It always amazes me what we can live just fine without. Dogs seem to have this remarkable ability to recuperate quickly. I guess that before they were our hunting partners and became domestic creatures, an injury could mean death due to weakness, so nature in her infinite wisdom, made recuperation faster. I am keeping Lucy quiet, and have been confined mostly to the house because of that. She should be able to resume light activities by the end of next week, one week post-op. Pretty miraculous, yes?
But I have to say that looking around at the group, I see that we as human beings also have the ability to regenerate and renew at any age. The CHLI took a chance on all of us, but I am not so blind as to not notice how much of a chance they took on me. As I am the oldest of the group, they have been extra careful with my exercise program, and I have to say that they seem to be extra proud of my accomplishments. Not prouder than anyone else's accomplishments, perhaps just surprised.
This past week or two we all had our re-checks, our three-month milestones. I hope that all are satisfied, and I see why the CHLI in its wisdom, gave us 6 months to develop new habits and get into new grooves. Now at three months, I am just beginning to have the need to exercise. Up until now, I have to admit, it was a push, but now it is a need. I spent Lucy's first day at home from the hospital, laying around with her, reassuring her and just being with her. She needed me in her sight at all times. By the next morning, I just had to get out for my walk. I was achy, I was cranky without it. SoThanks to all the CHLI staff fdor your good care and for your wisdom in givng us the time to build the habits we need to go ahead.

Never give up!

I have learned a number of very valuable lessons in the last couple of months that are worth while sharing. Or shall I say I re-learned some of them. Two months ago my beloved dog Lucy was not feeling so well and seemed to have lost weight and interest in eating, so I took her to the vet. After x-rays, an ultra sound, and exam, the vet told me to take her home and keep her quiet and that she had a very limited time to live. My shock and dismay kept us home and together, but when my daughter reminded me that keeping her housebound was no way for her to live, I began to take her out to her regular haunts again, but cutting back on strenuous activity. I told some friends, wept a lot, and explained to some of our park mates. One of them knew of a dog who had had good results with a holistic treatment by a local vet, and I did some research, and called the vet. He looked at her history and told me she would be a candidate for the treatment but he would have to see her. When I took her to him last week, he said that she looked good and seemed to be a candidate for surgery to remove this tumor that was on the x-rays. With trepidation and fear, I took her in for surgery, signing papers that if this was cancer and had spread, I wanted to let her go, rather than have her suffer for the sake of having her with me a few more months. We have to take responsibility for our domestic animals in payment for the love and comfort they give us.
I am thrilled to report that Lucy came through with flying colors. She tolerated the surgery well and will be home tonight. We will await biopsy results of course, but the vet doesn't think we will find cancer.
Here are some of the valuable lessons that I had to relearn:
1. Let others help you when you need help.
2. Never give up on someone you love.
3. Don't let fear rule you.
These were lessons I learned when my children were young and the doctors I consulted didn't listen when I told them that something was wrong--making me do the research for myself. We had a good outcome then and we have a good outcome now. Had I not told my park friend about Lucy and her dire diagnosis, he would not have told me about this treatment and I would not have called this wonderful vet. Had I given up on Lucy and thought there was nothing that could be done, the tumor might have had dire consequences, even if it isn't cancer. Had I been too afraid of surgery for her, and of making the decision to let her go if I had to, then we never would have had this marvelous outcome.
Lessons in life need to help us get through all of the many things we face, not only the particulars of one situation. So here is my take on what I have learned from this experience with regard to Project Transformation.
We are getting the help we need to make significant changes in our lives, so that this "makeover" will stay with us as life long habits, and keep us in this transformational state that we are achieving. With help from the CHLI staff, I have learned some very interesting lessons about saying "yes" to something that makes me more comfortable, to saying "yes" to the offer of someone doing something for me, like getting me water, and to saying "yes" to help when I need it. I have learned that I don't always have to do my own research, and that there are people out there who know just what help I need and are willing and happy to provide it.
I am a person who never gives up, but it is a valuable lesson to be reminded. Don't be afraid to try the new treatment; parents of children with cancer or disabilities can tell you that they didn't always stop at the treatment plan that the medical establishment suggested to make their kids well. Sometimes we stepped on toes to get the next step, but we just didn't stop because someone shook their head at us, or thought we were nuts and let it show. So we have to never give up on ourselves either. When I take that extra piece of bread, my personal demon, I have to beat back the urge to say, "Oh well, I've already blown it for today, so..." I didn't exercise so much last week because of the heat, but it's not a lost cause, there is always a way. So--NO GIVING UP.
And fear, that old nemesis that peeks out to haunt us. We cannot let it take over. We have to beat it back with all we've got, because it's aim is to make us less than we are, to let us slide into mediocrity because we can't face the niggling feelings in our stomachs. Just know that sure you are going to feel fear, and you may have a darned good reason for it, but go ahead and do it anyway, because you thought about it and it is worth doing. We are in a game that is worth playing--the game of life--with goals worth playing for--good health and longevity.
So when in doubt, think of Lucy, and NEVER GIVE UP!

This morning I was browsing ahead through a book I am reading and came on this Japanese Proverb: "Vision without action is a daydream. Action without vision is a nightmare".
And because I have had a few days of struggle with eating, I had occasion to think about what it means to be "on a roll" as opposed to the struggle that one experiences when one is not on a roll and it is frightening. I have felt out of control and batted about on the breeze. Being on a roll means that it is easy, whatever the "it" is, whether it is the eating program, keeping track of food intake, exercising, or just being more aware and awake about goals, steps on the way to getting to them, and keeping one's eye on the prize. So in reality, being "on a roll" is vision with the appropriate accompanying action. Vision without action is the daydream of wishing, of hoping that our fairy godmother will come and bail us out of the mess that we have gotten ourselves into. But then I look down at my feet and see that I am, we all are, in actuality, in possession of the ruby slippers that we need to take us home, wherever that is for us. (Sorry about all the mixed metaphors, but my mind is a jumble this morning) We have to go through the trials and tribulations of "doing it" for real, to understand that we had the power to get there within us all along, and that a fall "off the roll(?)" isn't the end of the world, or life as we know it, but a break in concentration. We are in possession of the Ruby Slippers that will take us home to our goal, so today I went back to my old standby oatmeal and berries breakfast, I walked my route even thought it was beastly hot, and I didn't depend on being on a roll, where the pursuit of the dream is easy. I slogged up that last hill cursing all the way. I know that the scale will not be kind to me today when I weigh in, but I know that keeping the vision in the forefront of my mind, along with the appropriate accompanying action, will get me through to next week and a different outcome.
The nightmare of action without vision is to have lost sight of the goal or prize for the moment in the need to satisfy a craving, or to be like all the other kids and eat whatever is there without thought.
So to all my cohorts at Project Transformation, all of you who are diligently attending classes, getting to the gym often and long, and saying no to the extra helping, or the bite of "forbidden fruit", I salute you and will try harder to emulate your progress and your diligence. I will, in open admiration of your efforts, try harder to act with responsibility, to turn away from demon bread, to add hours to workouts, and to have vision accompanied by action, eyes on the prize, and taking Kaizen steps to make the dream a reality.
I hope that I will see you on Sunday so that we can celebrate, in an appropriate way, our many triumphs up until now, and all the triumphs that are still to come.

Accentuating the Positive

Again, Christy and I have Sophia to thank for a wonderful outing last night. She took us to the Pt Dume Nature preserve, and had the weather been less gray, it would have been a glorious view of the coastline from Santa Monica to Zuma beach. We could hear the sea lions barking down below, and felt the mist, not to mention bringing home half the sandy beach in our shoes. We ended the evening with a wonderful dinner at the Natural Cafe in Westlake and each time we're together we get to know each other better. It is great to see the progress that everyone is making and to appreciate ourselves when seen through another's eyes. Being out there in nature is what I did when I walked in my neighborhood, but Sophia has introduced me to a whole new part of nature. I have a greater appreciation for wearing the right shoes for the activity that I am engaging in, and for the helping hand of a friend when there is no turning back and my heart is pounding because of the height. I am amazed at the constancy of Christy's ever-ebullient mood that keeps her singing and humming and talking to anyone she comes across, and the endless source of interesting places that Sophia has in her experience that she is willing to share with us.
I was thinking as we passed the hours how lucky we have been to have made these new friendships, to be learning all of these amazing nutrition facts that Paulette has at her fingertips, and to be pushed and prodded by Laurie and Mike in the interest of our own health, to be healed by Barbara, and "mothered" by the rest of the staff into keeping appointments and remembering all the things we have to remember. Sometimes I feel as if I have to pinch myself at my great good fortune at being part of this Project Transformation, which brings me to the subject of how we view life.
There was an artic le in the paper this week about a 100 year old man who had been a Pullman porter for 38 years and how he felt about his job, his life, and the people he has encountered in his long life. I was struck by his positivity. As a Pullman porter, especially in the early days, he probably encountered a fair amount of discrimination, racism and humiliation, but he stated in the article that he was always treated with respect. Isn't that what makes life worth living? Turning away from the negative, feeling lucky, making the most of opportunity that comes your way, and seeing the positive in a situation that you could just as well focus on the negative? There is the light and the dark in all of our experiences. No job, no party for that matter, is all perfect. But it is where and what we choose to focus on that makes our expereince of it, or our memory of it, what it then becomes for us. Our attitude is the filter through which all of our life experience passes. If we shine a light on it, then we see it as light and positive. If we choose the dark side, then it has the power to make us unhappy, and that unhappiness has the power to project out onto all parts of our lives and suck up the light.
There is a room in my house where the window, large as it is, is shaded by our lovely and productive avocado tree. The shade makes the room a bit dark, so you always have to turn of the light. But...when you turn toward the window, it is like being in a tree house, although the room is right at ground level. While the fruit is growing, you can see the heavy deliciousness growing right there outside the window, and know just when it is a good time to harvest in time for guacamole. The difference between the dark and the light is just a difference in attitude. The old saying that the quality of your life is what you say it is, is the way you look at it. We are willing to turn on the light in exchange for the lovely view, the delicious fruit, and the illusion of being yourng enouugh to spend lots of time in a tree house.
So..... The day was gray for our walk, but we got in some good exercise, we deepened our friendship, there was no sunburn possible, and we openeded our eyes tro new vistas, new ways to see life and to enjoy it.
So as we traverse this time that we have left in Project Transformation, I think that nothing could be a more thoroughly positive experience. We are treated to smiles from everyone we encounter at the Hotel. The doormen (and girls) wish us a good workout on entering, and ask us how the workout went as we leave, the the staff in the gym greets us with a question about anything we might need, our trainers, teachers, consultants and everyone we are lucky enough to deal with care about our progress and give us their best. It's easy to practice positive thinking there, and just like taking the things we learn about diet and exercise out into our "normal" lives after the program is over, I hope we will take the smiles, and the positivity into our habitual thinking and believing.