Time has become the greatest luxury of all. We are so pressed for time, that we talk on the phone while we are doing twenty other things, and we listen to books on tape while we drive, and we rush from one thing to the next, with our minds filled with what needs to be done at the things after that.
What this time that we have spent at Project Transformation has done for us, while it has filled our schedules even more, it has given us the time to think of ourselves, our needs, and most importantly of our health and its long term implications. No one can say what will happen tomorrow, but odds are good that if we eat right, exercise, sleep enough, and practice good health regimens, we will extend the years in our lives, and more importantly, extend the life in our years.
This time of year is a time of change, looking forward, putting our mark on the future. Kids go back to school, the summer is over and families settle into routines, vacations are mostly behind us, and we begin to plan for the end of another calendar year. For me this is a time of contemplation. My religion teaches us that we must think of promises that we have made in the past year that we have not kept, and make amends. It is good to be reminded of this or we forget that we must keep our word, we must follow through, we must thank and we must be grateful for our many blessings. I remind myself that I want to fit more kindness into my life, and I am reminded that I, too, must be a recipient of my own kindness. We moms have to take our turn at being the most important person in the family every now and then,(dads probably do, too) and we have to become much more sensitive to unconscious self sabotage of our accomplishments.
We have been given the gift of time, and we have used it to increase self awareness in our food intake, to increase our strength and resolve, and now we have to use it, and practice it and expand it. While I exercise, I am not thinking of what needs to be done next, I am giving it my whole heart and attention. That was but one of the many gifts we have received. So now I promise that the block of time that I am putting on my calendar to set aside for working out, will be a gift that keeps on giving, one in which I continue to pay close attention to what I am doing. I promise that I will not fall back into bad or sloppy eating habits. I promise that I will take care of myself as well as I have been taken care of over the last six months.
It is with a sense of loss that we now have to contemplate the end of our program as it was. We were pampered and pummeled, taught and tested, weighed and measured, but most of all we were cared for. Who will not miss being asked if we would like a glass of water? Who will not miss the luxury of having someone, or rather many people, who really cared about our progress, who kept a close watch on how we were treating ourselves. It is now up to us to keep that watch, to be not only a team member, but the Captain as well. As we map out strategies, and plan our exercise regimes, it is important to keep those goals in front of us, to keep moving in the direction of the goals that we set out toward at the beginning. Some of us have made our goals, and have only to keep maintaining them. Some of us still have a ways to go, but let no one say that they can't do it, because the evidence is there that you, we all, have done it and can keep continuing to do it.
So, today, as we prepare to take fitness "after" pictures, let's take a minute to think about all we have done, all there is left to do, and to thank those who have been with us all the way, encouraging us, urging us, applauding us and teaching us.
To all of the CHLI staff, the hotel staff, and everyone who we have come into contact with over this time, Thanks a Million. We couldn't have done it without you. But we are going to keep making you proud of our progress.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Wow, all of us Project Transformationists (almost) together in one room. What a dazzling display of effort and success. Our meeting on Saturday was for the purpose of making plans once the Project is over and we are on our own. It is essential to make plans for after. I can think of so many parallels in life. You have swimming lessons, and then comes the day that you have to dive into the deep end and prove that you can do it. But swimming is something that stays with you forever. You never really forget how to swim. You flap, you swallow a couple of gulps, but then you relax into it and are swimming along.
We have learned what is good for us and what works to get us to a place that we would rather be, a place of health and feeling better, more like the us we were meant to be. But have we learned, is it is the muscle memory to push ourselves away from the table, to say no to that dessert that we really don't need, in my case to never get started on that piece of bread because I know that I am powerless to stop. This morning, I had a doctor appointment. I had to be in Tarzana at 8am. I had arranged for my daughter to take Lucy for her morning walk so I cold get out on time. But when I got up, I realized that I need that walk as much as Lucy does (although not for the same reason), so I got into my clothes, lickety split, and got down to the park. I did get to the doc on time, so that was a good thing. I hope that this is a portent of the future.
I realized on Saturday, that even thought I have made it into the gym at least three times, usually more, every week, I did not schedule it. I fit it in between laundry and meetings and other things. Just like paying yourself first to save money, I am going to have to get more used to blocking in my exercise time, and scheduling the rest around it. For now this has to be my priority, until it becomes a part of me. I have done pretty well, but there is more to be done and the importance of having an inspirational person out there came home to me when I ran into Mr. Gertler on Thursday in the hallway of the hotel. We had a wonderful talk, and he was kind enough to show me a photo of himself standing at the top of a 14,000 ft. peak that had been his aspiration to climb, and this year he climbed it. His pride in his accomplishment was wonderful to see, inspiring to me, and made me feel as if I have to set some goals. Fitting them into the
S M A R T configuation makes sense.
The S is for specific. What is it you want to do? Run a 10K?
The M is for measurable. It's going to be the Alzheimer's 10K.
The A is for attainable. It's 6 months away. It's a stretch, but if I train, I can do it.
The R is for relevant. It relates to some long term intention, an underlying aim or purpose that has special meaning for you. I want to be healthy and fit.
The T is for time based. A specific date for the attainment of this goal. I will do this by March
While we think about the goals we want to achieve, we are teaching ourselves to be what we want to be. We would not have tried out for this project if we did not have something in mind. We have been, for the last six months, the toddler, held by both hands while we learn to walk. When CHLI lets go, we are bound to take a few spills, but you don't unlearn to walk. You don't sit there where you plopped down on your butt and stay until the moss grows. You get up and take another step and another until walking is just the precursor to running. We are walking successfully most days. We are also getting up and starting over when we fall. It is up to us to find the path that best suits our purpose in order to realize our life's intention.
So to all my cohorts, I salute your success, and I commend you to the care of yourselves, as we adults actually have to be, to do what you have to, to sustain the victories that you have achieved.
We have learned what is good for us and what works to get us to a place that we would rather be, a place of health and feeling better, more like the us we were meant to be. But have we learned, is it is the muscle memory to push ourselves away from the table, to say no to that dessert that we really don't need, in my case to never get started on that piece of bread because I know that I am powerless to stop. This morning, I had a doctor appointment. I had to be in Tarzana at 8am. I had arranged for my daughter to take Lucy for her morning walk so I cold get out on time. But when I got up, I realized that I need that walk as much as Lucy does (although not for the same reason), so I got into my clothes, lickety split, and got down to the park. I did get to the doc on time, so that was a good thing. I hope that this is a portent of the future.
I realized on Saturday, that even thought I have made it into the gym at least three times, usually more, every week, I did not schedule it. I fit it in between laundry and meetings and other things. Just like paying yourself first to save money, I am going to have to get more used to blocking in my exercise time, and scheduling the rest around it. For now this has to be my priority, until it becomes a part of me. I have done pretty well, but there is more to be done and the importance of having an inspirational person out there came home to me when I ran into Mr. Gertler on Thursday in the hallway of the hotel. We had a wonderful talk, and he was kind enough to show me a photo of himself standing at the top of a 14,000 ft. peak that had been his aspiration to climb, and this year he climbed it. His pride in his accomplishment was wonderful to see, inspiring to me, and made me feel as if I have to set some goals. Fitting them into the
S M A R T configuation makes sense.
The S is for specific. What is it you want to do? Run a 10K?
The M is for measurable. It's going to be the Alzheimer's 10K.
The A is for attainable. It's 6 months away. It's a stretch, but if I train, I can do it.
The R is for relevant. It relates to some long term intention, an underlying aim or purpose that has special meaning for you. I want to be healthy and fit.
The T is for time based. A specific date for the attainment of this goal. I will do this by March
While we think about the goals we want to achieve, we are teaching ourselves to be what we want to be. We would not have tried out for this project if we did not have something in mind. We have been, for the last six months, the toddler, held by both hands while we learn to walk. When CHLI lets go, we are bound to take a few spills, but you don't unlearn to walk. You don't sit there where you plopped down on your butt and stay until the moss grows. You get up and take another step and another until walking is just the precursor to running. We are walking successfully most days. We are also getting up and starting over when we fall. It is up to us to find the path that best suits our purpose in order to realize our life's intention.
So to all my cohorts, I salute your success, and I commend you to the care of yourselves, as we adults actually have to be, to do what you have to, to sustain the victories that you have achieved.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sorry for the long silence. I have been thinking a lot about the upcoming months in which we will be finishing up our sojourn with the California Health and Longevity Institute as our immediate mentors, and making our own all that we have learned and practiced. It is only now that I feel, after so many months of weighing and measuring, of exercising and learning, that all of this has become a part of me, actually a part of who I have happily become. I have had the happy experience of going through my closet and culling out all of the big clothes that no longer fit. Now, granted, I am not a person who has ever worn very fitted clothes. But even then, one cannot wear something that simply wont suit. Luckily I sew and can either alter, or make new. What delightful circumstances. I have no intention of holding on to anything "just in case". Been there, done that, and it is not healthy.
I had a pair of new jeans on a shelf in my closet that I had ordered by mail quite some time ago. They were supposed to be my target jeans for the interim. This morning I tried them on and guess what? I have passed right by them without knowing! They are too big for me to wear. I am happily putting them into a bag with other clothing to donate to a worthy cause.
However, I am thinking about what has helped spur us all to our successes. Everyone has made such magnificent progress, not that we are all finished, or at the point we hoped to be, some are I would think, but we who must continue to drop weight, and everyone, who must continue to practice our healthy lifestyle, eating right, getting enough rest, managing stress, are being asked to come up with methods to help ourselves stay on track.
There is certainly something to the process of accountability that we have experienced. We know that once every week we will be stepping on that scale, or working out with someone who has worked with us to show us how to perform the exercises that target our problems. Having a mentor, certainly more than one, who has been a friend, a disciplinarian, a teacher, and lots of other good things all rolled into one has been the experience of a lifetime. It has meant that we could not just drift, we could not just toss away our gains, we could not lose perspective or the sight of our goals. We are in a game worth playing, with goals worth playing for and each day, with charts, and reminders, and kind words and learning to trade new habits for old, we are changing the way we view ourselves, and the way we will view our places in the world.
I am sure that each of us has a body image that we are struggling to achieve, and one that we are struggling to let go of. I look at an article of clothing and think "Oh I can't wear that, and then a voice of reason quietly whispers in my ear "Are you sure of that? why don't you think again, you're different now" and I am forced to look in the mirror, a practice I have never liked, and see that there is a new "me" emerging. We are trading a lot of new things for old--new habits, new clothes, new thoughts, new bodies. the real triumph will be to achieve comfort with the new and not cling to the old and familiar.
There is so much to be grateful for, and so much to be proud of, and so much to add to each part of our new beginning until we reach a sense of true balance. I hope that we can all be pillars of strength for each other, the source of kind words and encouragement, and when necessary, a sounding board for moments when challenges need to be met with strength.
We still have some time left to let the learning take hold and sink in, and it is up to us to be open and eager enough to absorb it. So to all my fellow Project Transformationists, we are in the "home stretch" and I wish you the best. We have to remember that we are just like the people who began last April, only better.
I had a pair of new jeans on a shelf in my closet that I had ordered by mail quite some time ago. They were supposed to be my target jeans for the interim. This morning I tried them on and guess what? I have passed right by them without knowing! They are too big for me to wear. I am happily putting them into a bag with other clothing to donate to a worthy cause.
However, I am thinking about what has helped spur us all to our successes. Everyone has made such magnificent progress, not that we are all finished, or at the point we hoped to be, some are I would think, but we who must continue to drop weight, and everyone, who must continue to practice our healthy lifestyle, eating right, getting enough rest, managing stress, are being asked to come up with methods to help ourselves stay on track.
There is certainly something to the process of accountability that we have experienced. We know that once every week we will be stepping on that scale, or working out with someone who has worked with us to show us how to perform the exercises that target our problems. Having a mentor, certainly more than one, who has been a friend, a disciplinarian, a teacher, and lots of other good things all rolled into one has been the experience of a lifetime. It has meant that we could not just drift, we could not just toss away our gains, we could not lose perspective or the sight of our goals. We are in a game worth playing, with goals worth playing for and each day, with charts, and reminders, and kind words and learning to trade new habits for old, we are changing the way we view ourselves, and the way we will view our places in the world.
I am sure that each of us has a body image that we are struggling to achieve, and one that we are struggling to let go of. I look at an article of clothing and think "Oh I can't wear that, and then a voice of reason quietly whispers in my ear "Are you sure of that? why don't you think again, you're different now" and I am forced to look in the mirror, a practice I have never liked, and see that there is a new "me" emerging. We are trading a lot of new things for old--new habits, new clothes, new thoughts, new bodies. the real triumph will be to achieve comfort with the new and not cling to the old and familiar.
There is so much to be grateful for, and so much to be proud of, and so much to add to each part of our new beginning until we reach a sense of true balance. I hope that we can all be pillars of strength for each other, the source of kind words and encouragement, and when necessary, a sounding board for moments when challenges need to be met with strength.
We still have some time left to let the learning take hold and sink in, and it is up to us to be open and eager enough to absorb it. So to all my fellow Project Transformationists, we are in the "home stretch" and I wish you the best. We have to remember that we are just like the people who began last April, only better.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Finding Calm and Ourselves
Last night I was happily reminded of an old friend that I haven't had the food fortune to see since we left the place of work where we first got to know each other. He was the calmest person I think I have ever known. He is a Buddhist, and after an interesting discussion over lunch one day he brought me a book, the title of which had a huge effect on my thinking then and since then. It is entitled, "When the Student is Ready the Teacher will Appear" and I don't know but I believe that this is a very important tenet of Buddhism. I have been thinking of this in relation to our Project Transformation. I think that one of the reasons that we were chosen for this program is that we appeared to the panel to be ready for this Transformation for which we were asking to be considered. I keep that book in the drawer at my bedside, and just looking at the title sometimes calms me, because it tells me that the things that I might want to happen right now, and am angry and impatient if they don't, are perhaps not ready to happen, or perhaps, even though my conscious mind would disagree, perhaps I am not ready to have them happen. My point is that we were ready, and the contest appeared for us and we were chosen. It has been up to us to take advantage of the teachers and to learn the lessons.
And the reason I bring this up is that yesterday I received in the mail another book, one that I had forgotten I ordered quite some time ago, and it is entitled "Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be" and while it has to do with loss and change, just the title caught me up short. As we travel though life, we experience many different kinds of emotions, events, and places. Each one affects us in a way that changes us or affirms us in some way, even the smallest way that we may not recognize at the time. We have in our minds an idea of who we are, and yet, events and such are changing us all the time. Lately, some people I haven't seen in awhile have been telling me that I look different, but when I look in the mirror, I can't see the change. It tells me that I haven't yet let go of the person I used to be and that I better be pretty careful about how I look at things like food and exercise.
So far the exercise part is getting to be a part of the new me. I crave that hilly walk that I take if I miss a day. I like the way I feel when I am tired out after a workout with "the demon", and I hardly ever think "oh I can't do that, it's too hard" like I did when we went on our hikes that scared the bejezzus out of me.
But ice cream still looks good to me, and cake still sounds good, even though I was thinking the other day that the last several times I indulged in cake, it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. The texture wasn't really satisfying, and the taste just didn't live up to expectations and wasn't worth the calories. So if what I "crave" proves not to be as good as anticipated, and yet it still appeals, is it because I have not yet let go of the person I used to be, who ate sweets without thinking about whether they were as delicious as I expected them to be? That behavior belonged to the person I used to be.
Now, in truth, the book about 'letting go' is about reacting to loss and change in your life. When we lose a loved one, if we get mired down in the loss and the bad feelings, then we do not grow from the experience. In the last six years, I have lost both of my parents. I realize that I was very fortunate to have them for so many years, and we were close and I miss them, but I have come to realize that I have grown in ways that perhaps I could not have without the experience of loss. The person I used to be was a daughter, in addition to other roles. That daughter role no longer exists for me, and it's absence, although sometimes painful, has also freed me up to be something different, to take on another role.
I think that all of us at Project Transformation are perhaps shedding a role that we used to fill, and we may not find a new role so comfortable as we thought. It is important to think about how we want to embrace the new role, and how to let go of the old one so that the new clothes that we wear (figuratively) in our new role, are as comfortable as the old. Going from being the person who always worked behind the scenes to the person in the starring role of the play can be frightening, but it's the only one where you can see your name in lights.
So, the whole point of today's blog was to point out that there is a lot about us that is new and if we are not ready to let go of the person we used to be, and embrace the new, then backsliding is a distinct possibility. It happened to me before, but it is not going to happen to me again. I am ready to let go. Are you?
And the reason I bring this up is that yesterday I received in the mail another book, one that I had forgotten I ordered quite some time ago, and it is entitled "Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be" and while it has to do with loss and change, just the title caught me up short. As we travel though life, we experience many different kinds of emotions, events, and places. Each one affects us in a way that changes us or affirms us in some way, even the smallest way that we may not recognize at the time. We have in our minds an idea of who we are, and yet, events and such are changing us all the time. Lately, some people I haven't seen in awhile have been telling me that I look different, but when I look in the mirror, I can't see the change. It tells me that I haven't yet let go of the person I used to be and that I better be pretty careful about how I look at things like food and exercise.
So far the exercise part is getting to be a part of the new me. I crave that hilly walk that I take if I miss a day. I like the way I feel when I am tired out after a workout with "the demon", and I hardly ever think "oh I can't do that, it's too hard" like I did when we went on our hikes that scared the bejezzus out of me.
But ice cream still looks good to me, and cake still sounds good, even though I was thinking the other day that the last several times I indulged in cake, it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. The texture wasn't really satisfying, and the taste just didn't live up to expectations and wasn't worth the calories. So if what I "crave" proves not to be as good as anticipated, and yet it still appeals, is it because I have not yet let go of the person I used to be, who ate sweets without thinking about whether they were as delicious as I expected them to be? That behavior belonged to the person I used to be.
Now, in truth, the book about 'letting go' is about reacting to loss and change in your life. When we lose a loved one, if we get mired down in the loss and the bad feelings, then we do not grow from the experience. In the last six years, I have lost both of my parents. I realize that I was very fortunate to have them for so many years, and we were close and I miss them, but I have come to realize that I have grown in ways that perhaps I could not have without the experience of loss. The person I used to be was a daughter, in addition to other roles. That daughter role no longer exists for me, and it's absence, although sometimes painful, has also freed me up to be something different, to take on another role.
I think that all of us at Project Transformation are perhaps shedding a role that we used to fill, and we may not find a new role so comfortable as we thought. It is important to think about how we want to embrace the new role, and how to let go of the old one so that the new clothes that we wear (figuratively) in our new role, are as comfortable as the old. Going from being the person who always worked behind the scenes to the person in the starring role of the play can be frightening, but it's the only one where you can see your name in lights.
So, the whole point of today's blog was to point out that there is a lot about us that is new and if we are not ready to let go of the person we used to be, and embrace the new, then backsliding is a distinct possibility. It happened to me before, but it is not going to happen to me again. I am ready to let go. Are you?
Sunday, August 8, 2010
The gifts of friendship
Isn't it just amazing when you have a friend-- or even better-- friends, who help you to be the best 'you' that you can be? I started to write about friends who make you be the best, most authentic you, but the truth is, that no one can make you be anything but yourself. A friend who helps you along the way gives you opportunities to be the best, perhaps sets an example, offers a helping hand, or even asks for a helping hand.
I have been so blessed in my life to have friends who have done just this, and I hope that I am proving not to be a disappointment to their vision of me. Some friends are those of youth, who share your memories as you share theirs, and they are priceless, golden, above any treasure you could name. Some are recent, friends who see and listen to who you are right now, and how you have come to be that way, and with whom you explore new and perhaps different experiences and adventures than you have had before. I am lucky enough to be blessed with both and I cannot imagine how I ever got so lucky.
I look around me today at the evidence of what friendship means, and I see a book that was a gift, that has made me think, has made me reflect on what it means to be a child in a very dangerous situation, to be a man willing to extend a hand to protect a stranger even at the risk of his own life and perhaps even the lives of those he loves. I see my well used gym bag, which would not be there without having been urged to try my luck at entering a contest, the results of which have changed my life, perhaps lengthening it so that I can accomplish things that need to be done by me. I think of the new experiences, like hiking, that have become a part of my life due to the camaraderie that has developed from sharing and cheering others on, hoping for their success as much as for my own. I feel the muscles in my arms that are fatigued from the hours that I have sat here at my computer finishing and polishing stories that I had written long ago, but never did anything about before a friend and angel urged me to dig them out, to join a writer's group (I still haven't done that, but I will) to look for an agent, and to do something about them. Yesterday, all day, I even smelled friendship, from when I was embraced by a friend who inquired about my husband's health and hugged me, leaving the smell of his cologne on my cheek. All day I was reminded that I could count on him if I needed to.
So for me, what friendship means is enrichment. It means the deepening and broadening of what life is really meant to be. It is meant to be shared and embraced, to be used as a learning tool and a teaching tool, to help others to be the best that they can be, both by helping and by example. It is a gift to understand that the world is a far richer place with the love of a friend, that the scenery is more beautiful when shared with a friend, that the laughter we share with friends is delicious, better than any dessert, that the tastes and sounds and music we hear are brighter and clearer and sharper and feed our souls to the brim when shared with friends.
So here is a toast to all the friends that we have made, and all those we have yet to make. You make our lives so much richer, so much more worth living. Without you, the world would be a much duller place.
I have been so blessed in my life to have friends who have done just this, and I hope that I am proving not to be a disappointment to their vision of me. Some friends are those of youth, who share your memories as you share theirs, and they are priceless, golden, above any treasure you could name. Some are recent, friends who see and listen to who you are right now, and how you have come to be that way, and with whom you explore new and perhaps different experiences and adventures than you have had before. I am lucky enough to be blessed with both and I cannot imagine how I ever got so lucky.
I look around me today at the evidence of what friendship means, and I see a book that was a gift, that has made me think, has made me reflect on what it means to be a child in a very dangerous situation, to be a man willing to extend a hand to protect a stranger even at the risk of his own life and perhaps even the lives of those he loves. I see my well used gym bag, which would not be there without having been urged to try my luck at entering a contest, the results of which have changed my life, perhaps lengthening it so that I can accomplish things that need to be done by me. I think of the new experiences, like hiking, that have become a part of my life due to the camaraderie that has developed from sharing and cheering others on, hoping for their success as much as for my own. I feel the muscles in my arms that are fatigued from the hours that I have sat here at my computer finishing and polishing stories that I had written long ago, but never did anything about before a friend and angel urged me to dig them out, to join a writer's group (I still haven't done that, but I will) to look for an agent, and to do something about them. Yesterday, all day, I even smelled friendship, from when I was embraced by a friend who inquired about my husband's health and hugged me, leaving the smell of his cologne on my cheek. All day I was reminded that I could count on him if I needed to.
So for me, what friendship means is enrichment. It means the deepening and broadening of what life is really meant to be. It is meant to be shared and embraced, to be used as a learning tool and a teaching tool, to help others to be the best that they can be, both by helping and by example. It is a gift to understand that the world is a far richer place with the love of a friend, that the scenery is more beautiful when shared with a friend, that the laughter we share with friends is delicious, better than any dessert, that the tastes and sounds and music we hear are brighter and clearer and sharper and feed our souls to the brim when shared with friends.
So here is a toast to all the friends that we have made, and all those we have yet to make. You make our lives so much richer, so much more worth living. Without you, the world would be a much duller place.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Learning to say "Yes"
Now that I have my darling Lucy well again, with a new lease on life, I have been thinking about the new lease on life that I am working on, that all of us Project Transformation winners are getting, with the help of the CHLI. There isn't really a moment in life, I guess with the exception of taking our very last breath and perhaps even then, that we can't turn over a new leaf, make a decision about a new and better way to live, improve our relationships, and in general make our own world and the worlds of those whose lives we touch, better. The last breath thing would be telling someone you have loved them, or that you are sorry. But with that as an exception, I am thinking of all that I have begun to do over the last three months that I have not done in any sustained manner before that will add health to my years.
Learning to say "yes" is one of those new things that I am learning and it has been an amazing learning experience. I am a person, like many women, especially of my generation, who was taught not to bother others with my needs, not to give anyone else any trouble about taking care of me, and to do for myself when possible. How often women feel guilty when they are sick or hurt and are always saying how sorry they are to cause any one any bother. So when asked if we need anything, we always answer politely, "Oh please don't bother, I can do it myself". Learning to say "yes" means allowing oneself to be cared for, in big and small ways, and it is a difficult skill to learn. CHLI has been very instrumental in helping me learn to say yes. It is learning to say ( and believe) that I am as important as anyone else, that I deserve to be treated as well as I treat others. Not by stepping on someone else's toes, but by just graciously accepting what is offered on my behalf. It is kind of humbling to know that when I became a feminist in the early days of the movement, learning to say NO was big--"No" to being paid less than I was worth, "No" to being taken advantage of in the workplace, but learning to say yes was never part of the equasion. Not a big resounding "yes", but a quiet, polite and grateful "yes" for a courtesy extended, for a kindness offered, for a thoughtful act performed.
I knew that it had finally sunk in when I was recently in the dentist's chair and remarked on how chilly it was in the room, and was asked if I wanted a blanket. "Yes" came the immediate answer, tripping out of my mouth without so much as a pang of guilt. I heard that answer, made without equivocation, without excuse, and knew that I had "come a long way, baby". When asked, quite often, if I want a glass of water at CHLI, the simple and immediate and guiltless answer is now "yes, thanks". I get lots of chances to practice, and I love the results.
Our new lease on life has come with saying "yes"to eating right, "yes" to learning new ways of doing things, "yes" to more exercise, "yes" to fitting ourselves onto the list of important 'things to do', and lucky us, it has come with a chance to enjoy new friendships, the luxury of beautiful surroundings, and the chance for more life in our years. So Thanks to all of our mentors, and to the Hotel for hosting us and giving us this opportunity to be better than we were when we began.
If that is not a new Lease On Life, then I don't know what is.
Learning to say "yes" is one of those new things that I am learning and it has been an amazing learning experience. I am a person, like many women, especially of my generation, who was taught not to bother others with my needs, not to give anyone else any trouble about taking care of me, and to do for myself when possible. How often women feel guilty when they are sick or hurt and are always saying how sorry they are to cause any one any bother. So when asked if we need anything, we always answer politely, "Oh please don't bother, I can do it myself". Learning to say "yes" means allowing oneself to be cared for, in big and small ways, and it is a difficult skill to learn. CHLI has been very instrumental in helping me learn to say yes. It is learning to say ( and believe) that I am as important as anyone else, that I deserve to be treated as well as I treat others. Not by stepping on someone else's toes, but by just graciously accepting what is offered on my behalf. It is kind of humbling to know that when I became a feminist in the early days of the movement, learning to say NO was big--"No" to being paid less than I was worth, "No" to being taken advantage of in the workplace, but learning to say yes was never part of the equasion. Not a big resounding "yes", but a quiet, polite and grateful "yes" for a courtesy extended, for a kindness offered, for a thoughtful act performed.
I knew that it had finally sunk in when I was recently in the dentist's chair and remarked on how chilly it was in the room, and was asked if I wanted a blanket. "Yes" came the immediate answer, tripping out of my mouth without so much as a pang of guilt. I heard that answer, made without equivocation, without excuse, and knew that I had "come a long way, baby". When asked, quite often, if I want a glass of water at CHLI, the simple and immediate and guiltless answer is now "yes, thanks". I get lots of chances to practice, and I love the results.
Our new lease on life has come with saying "yes"to eating right, "yes" to learning new ways of doing things, "yes" to more exercise, "yes" to fitting ourselves onto the list of important 'things to do', and lucky us, it has come with a chance to enjoy new friendships, the luxury of beautiful surroundings, and the chance for more life in our years. So Thanks to all of our mentors, and to the Hotel for hosting us and giving us this opportunity to be better than we were when we began.
If that is not a new Lease On Life, then I don't know what is.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Great News
Good News! Today I got the preliminary biopsy report on Lucy from the vet, and it is that the tumor was not cancer. the final report will come on Monday, but for today, I am thrilled. Lucy is doing well, and looks a lot like her old self, minus any hair on her abdomen. They removed her spleen, but she is good and can live long and well without one. It always amazes me what we can live just fine without. Dogs seem to have this remarkable ability to recuperate quickly. I guess that before they were our hunting partners and became domestic creatures, an injury could mean death due to weakness, so nature in her infinite wisdom, made recuperation faster. I am keeping Lucy quiet, and have been confined mostly to the house because of that. She should be able to resume light activities by the end of next week, one week post-op. Pretty miraculous, yes?
But I have to say that looking around at the group, I see that we as human beings also have the ability to regenerate and renew at any age. The CHLI took a chance on all of us, but I am not so blind as to not notice how much of a chance they took on me. As I am the oldest of the group, they have been extra careful with my exercise program, and I have to say that they seem to be extra proud of my accomplishments. Not prouder than anyone else's accomplishments, perhaps just surprised.
This past week or two we all had our re-checks, our three-month milestones. I hope that all are satisfied, and I see why the CHLI in its wisdom, gave us 6 months to develop new habits and get into new grooves. Now at three months, I am just beginning to have the need to exercise. Up until now, I have to admit, it was a push, but now it is a need. I spent Lucy's first day at home from the hospital, laying around with her, reassuring her and just being with her. She needed me in her sight at all times. By the next morning, I just had to get out for my walk. I was achy, I was cranky without it. SoThanks to all the CHLI staff fdor your good care and for your wisdom in givng us the time to build the habits we need to go ahead.
But I have to say that looking around at the group, I see that we as human beings also have the ability to regenerate and renew at any age. The CHLI took a chance on all of us, but I am not so blind as to not notice how much of a chance they took on me. As I am the oldest of the group, they have been extra careful with my exercise program, and I have to say that they seem to be extra proud of my accomplishments. Not prouder than anyone else's accomplishments, perhaps just surprised.
This past week or two we all had our re-checks, our three-month milestones. I hope that all are satisfied, and I see why the CHLI in its wisdom, gave us 6 months to develop new habits and get into new grooves. Now at three months, I am just beginning to have the need to exercise. Up until now, I have to admit, it was a push, but now it is a need. I spent Lucy's first day at home from the hospital, laying around with her, reassuring her and just being with her. She needed me in her sight at all times. By the next morning, I just had to get out for my walk. I was achy, I was cranky without it. SoThanks to all the CHLI staff fdor your good care and for your wisdom in givng us the time to build the habits we need to go ahead.
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